More from Training

A Healthy Adoptive Family: What is it?

1) An understanding tht building a family through adoption presents unique challenges.
2) Complete agreement between parents about the adoption.
3) A commitment to the permanency of the family even in the roughest of waters.
4) The ability to acknowledge conflicting emotions.
5) The ability to defer parental fulfillment and refuse to be rejected by the child.
6) An openness to seeking professional help or support.
7) Comitment to explore the cultural heritage and racial needs of their youngster and move to incorporate those issues into their family life.
8) An understanding that adoption's core issues affect each family member throughout life.

Vignettes

I will start posting a couple of vignettes for the next few days. I encourage you to read through each little vignette and consider how you would handle each situation. They aren't easy. Again, these are taken from our training manual created by Holt and provided by Counseling and Family Services.

Vignette #1- Rice for Breakfast
Lydia came home from Thailand at age five. She was placed in a caring, committed family, who was eager to embrace her culture while teaching her American ways as well. She had been home 6 months, yet Lydia still wanted rice for breakfast every day. The family was becoming less enthusiastic about her Thai culture, and encouraged Lydia to try foods more familiar to themselves- cereal, peanut butter, and toast. Lydia despises these things and insists on rice. It's beginning to be a point of contention in the family.
Family A- continues to make rice and serve it with fruit or bacon or cheese every breakfast. On Sundays, they have a big brunch with many different foods- some of which are Thai, but most are American. They are willing to burn through a rice cooker or two to help Lydia learn to like new foods.
Family B- decided that enough is enough. No more rice for breakfast, ever. They continue to cook Thai food for dinner, but serve scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast now. If she doesn't eat, they aren't concerned- when she's hungry enough, she'll try something new.
Family C- "accidentally" burns the rice every now and then, and offers oatmeal instead. They apologize and hope eventually oatmeal will be a good substitute.

Vignette #2- Lack of Eye Contact
George is 28 months old and recently home from India. He was in a foster home, however he is showing some classic signs of attachment difficulties. What has been most difficult for his adoptive parents though, is that after three months home, he will not look them in the eye. He will sit on their laps, likes to be held on their backs or hips, and will cuddle at bedtime. At no point, however, will he meet their gaze longer than a split second. His parents are deeply hurt by this.
Family A- is going to actively work on the issue. Dad holds George facing outwards, while Mom puts her face near to the child' face. She stares intently, and moves her face to wherever his eyes are. When he makes eye contact, even briefly, she smiles and praises him. When he looks away, they move his head back.
Family B- isn't too worried. Maybe it's a cultural issue, they reason. Maybe he just hasn't learned it's appropriate. He'll change, they hope. They find themselves avoiding his eyes as well. They struggle with their feeling quietly.
Family C-packs their pockets with M&M's. THey play peek-a-boo with him and every time he sees them, they show him an M&M. He'll track it with his eyes, and they bring it in front of their own faces, then place it in his mouth.