Vignette #3- Dividing Parents and Triangulation
Maria is five, and has been home from China for over 3 years. She gets along well with her mother, who is her primary caregiver, and they play together often during the day. She is overtly affectionate with ehr father, and heaps love upon him when he arrives home, trying to monopolize his attention. Mom doesn't mind that Maria prefers Dad- she had a close relationship with her own father. However, Dad doesn't notice that Maria will try to exclude Mom from the family. Mom tries to discuss it with Dad, but he feels she is being unduly critical.
Family A-talks to their social worker, who assures them that children will behave very differently for each parens, and that it is hard to see children from the other's perspective. They decide to videotape Maria's interactions with Mom, with Dad, and with the parents together. That night, after Maria is in bed, they watch their new home movie. Both clearly see how she was able to manipulate their together time in order to get Dad's attention. They hire a babysitter and start going on weekly dates.
Family B- goes to parenting classes to learn to set limits. They doen't address her feelings, or question her motivation, but rather concentrate on her behavior.
Family C- points the behavior directly out to Maria, asking her if she is feeling unloved or neglected. Dad makes sure to hug Maria first when he comes home, then Mom and Dad sit together and check in for a few minutes. They are consistent with their routine even when Maria shows really challenging behavior.
Vignette #4- Hoarding Food
Andre came home from Bulgaria a year ago. He is almost 4 years old. He was in an institution with a good reputation, and appears to have been well taken care of. He is affectionate, friendly, smart and easy to get along with. Sometimes, he hides food under his bed- he doesn't eat it, and his parents have to throw it out when they notice the smell. More often, he gets up during the night and sneaks food. His parends find food crumbs on the floor and apple cores in the trashcan. They want the behavior to stop for two reasons- they dislike sneaking, and they want him to be healthy.
Family A- pormptly installs a lock on the fridge, and latches on the cupboards. They monitor his food during the day, making sure to feed him a protein rich, filling dinner and a snack right before bedtime. They regularly clean his room for him, and tell him often how he doesn't need more food.
Family B- ignores the issue. They clean his room for him, and allow him unlimited access to food, making sure only to stock healthy food in the house.
Family C- leaves a bowl of cereal on the table at night, and when they tuck him in at bedtime, remind him to wake them up if he needs their help.
Maria is five, and has been home from China for over 3 years. She gets along well with her mother, who is her primary caregiver, and they play together often during the day. She is overtly affectionate with ehr father, and heaps love upon him when he arrives home, trying to monopolize his attention. Mom doesn't mind that Maria prefers Dad- she had a close relationship with her own father. However, Dad doesn't notice that Maria will try to exclude Mom from the family. Mom tries to discuss it with Dad, but he feels she is being unduly critical.
Family A-talks to their social worker, who assures them that children will behave very differently for each parens, and that it is hard to see children from the other's perspective. They decide to videotape Maria's interactions with Mom, with Dad, and with the parents together. That night, after Maria is in bed, they watch their new home movie. Both clearly see how she was able to manipulate their together time in order to get Dad's attention. They hire a babysitter and start going on weekly dates.
Family B- goes to parenting classes to learn to set limits. They doen't address her feelings, or question her motivation, but rather concentrate on her behavior.
Family C- points the behavior directly out to Maria, asking her if she is feeling unloved or neglected. Dad makes sure to hug Maria first when he comes home, then Mom and Dad sit together and check in for a few minutes. They are consistent with their routine even when Maria shows really challenging behavior.
Vignette #4- Hoarding Food
Andre came home from Bulgaria a year ago. He is almost 4 years old. He was in an institution with a good reputation, and appears to have been well taken care of. He is affectionate, friendly, smart and easy to get along with. Sometimes, he hides food under his bed- he doesn't eat it, and his parents have to throw it out when they notice the smell. More often, he gets up during the night and sneaks food. His parends find food crumbs on the floor and apple cores in the trashcan. They want the behavior to stop for two reasons- they dislike sneaking, and they want him to be healthy.
Family A- pormptly installs a lock on the fridge, and latches on the cupboards. They monitor his food during the day, making sure to feed him a protein rich, filling dinner and a snack right before bedtime. They regularly clean his room for him, and tell him often how he doesn't need more food.
Family B- ignores the issue. They clean his room for him, and allow him unlimited access to food, making sure only to stock healthy food in the house.
Family C- leaves a bowl of cereal on the table at night, and when they tuck him in at bedtime, remind him to wake them up if he needs their help.
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