Letter To My Girl

There are times like this weekend when I am convinced the book of Esther is in the Bible solely for our family. Esther was an orphan. God knew what experiences Esther would need in her childhood to shape and prepare her for the role God had for her as Queen Esther.

This is Hannah's story- not our story. And it is clear that God is calling our girl to go through pain that I cannot begin to fathom. Hannah is with a foster family- a family she's been with since about 2 months of age. She turns 2 in a couple of weeks. She has no concept of "foster family" or "birth family." She knows them as "Mama" and "Daddy" and "Sister." For every day God asks her to wait and age with her foster family, He is calling her to a more acute pain in leaving them. This mama's heart is truly breaking for her, seeing what is going to be happening to her. And I am powerless to protect her from it.

Hannah, if you ever read this, I want you to know how much my heart aches for you. If there was a way to spare you this horrendous pain, I would do whatever it took. As much as my mommy heart hurts for you, I know God's heart hurts even more. I know He has counted every one of my tears and every tear you will shed as well. I know He has already reached down to help shepherd you through this by showing Himself through the missionaries at VCT and through Mary Paul, the orphanage director. As much as I want to comfort you through it all, I know there will be aspects of your grief I will not understand. But God does and He wants to be your Abba Father. He can grant you the peace and healing that I so desperately want you to find. But, my precious one, I will ALWAYS be that "person with skin on" to hold you. And to remind you that you are my present day Queen Esther. I know He has great plans for you. He has not now or ever will forsake you. Hold tight to Him and I love you with every fiber of my being.

Your Forever-Mama