God Named Hannah

I'm actually embarrassed to share this post with you. There are times when my thickheadedness surprises even me. But what I've FINALLY realized is just too God-glorifying to keep to myself.

In order to explain, I first need to follow up on the last post. After reading Pastor Daniel's response, I honestly sat back and thought, "It isn't true. The motivation he is describing as mine, isn't accurate. My motivation, while it includes the things he listed, is, at its core, centered around me. I want Hannah- for me. And I feel that so incredibly strongly, that I don't think I can possibly lay myself down enough to honestly answer that those other reasons are my core reasons. I can't get there." I confessed that to God and asked for His help. Once again, I am so thankful for the many places in Scripture where the verse states, "..., but God..." That is what I experienced that day. It was true- I couldn't possibly transform my heart that radically on my own. But He took my genuine desire to repent, and wiped my heart clean of my selfishness very quickly. By morning, my heart was right. Now, all I needed to do was ask boldly.

I worked all morning to come before Him with my bold request to have the judge sign off on all three of Hannah's hearings that night. And I just couldn't do it. I prayed for many things and filled a page of written prayers, but I just couldn't work up the nerve to ask Him. God, in His unfathomable desire to teach me how to come before Him, used our neighbor and our daughter Sierra to play out a scene that showed me perfectly how to ask for something boldly. So I finally did and this time with the right motivation- His glory!

An amazing thing I noticed. Once my eyes are more closely trained on Him, the more my requests come out as praises and unbelievable joy! Do you remember my post from June 2nd? Again, God was bringing me back to this lesson on how to live in the joy of the Lord! As an aside, I have learned this is what stabilizes my pendulum as a mommy between being too permissive and being too harsh. If I have true joy from the Lord, it gives me discernment for how to handle my children's behavior. So, it seems the culmination of this loooooong adoption journey is teaching me how to live in the joy of the Lord and is a powerful lesson for me both as a wife and as a mommy.

Now for my thickheadedness. Do you know what we decided a long time ago would be Hannah's middle name? You got it. Hannah Joy. We knew sweet Hannah was going to be a blessing to our family and bring us great joy. But now I have a less self-centered understanding of joy and God knew what a powerful constant reminder her name would be for me- even if it took me quite a while to realize it :) God gave her the first name of Hannah in India knowing how powerful that Biblical example would be for her. And then He led us to give her the middle name of Joy knowing the lessons He had in store for us. Does it take your breath away? It certainly does mine.