Completing Our Clan

Confessions from an Adoptive Mom’s Heart

2012-01-20T16:59:00.007-06:00

Hannah Means God’s Grace

Many of you have asked how things are going now that we have had our Hannah Joy home for a little over a month. If you’ve followed our journey at all, you know this has been a long time in coming- 4.5 years or 3.5 years depending on when you start counting (Ian was an unexpected priceless pause in our process). So, with all that time of begging and pleading to God for our daughter, what I have written won’t surprise any of you more than it has surprised me. What I have written is sinful, ugly, and riddled with guilt. But for those of you genuinely asking how we are doing, it is my honest answer.

I have learned two things about moms and dads since bringing Hannah home. 1) A daddy’s heart develops far less than I imagined while his wife is pregnant. He becomes a daddy when the baby is born. He is excited at the developmental milestones, about the date getting closer, etc. but no more than the procedural milestones and travel date of an adoption. Once that child is in his arms and he knows he is the father, it is a done deal. He is a daddy, whether by birth or by adoption. And I praise God for that. 2) A mommy’s heart develops far more than I realized during pregnancy. God does a work in a woman that goes to the core of her being before she ever gives birth and lays eyes on that baby.

I have realized something else that I think can be easy to forget- at least I did. Adoption was not in God’s original design. Only because sin entered the world do we now have widows and orphans that need care. Because God knew this would happen, He provided the plan of adoption. God’s design is for a woman to mother the child of her womb. After coming home, the thought, “This is not natural!” kept going through my brain. I finally realized that I was right and I needed to stop fighting that feeling. It isn’t natural, but it is God’s plan.

Now for those who know me even slightly, you could be really confused right now. Most of you saw me desperate to bring home this child that I was crazy in love with. Like I said, more happens to a mommy’s heart during pregnancy that I was naively unaware of. And when the rubber meets the road, and there is a precious little girl in your home that has already lived 2.5 years of her life without you, replacing a picture that you have fantasized over, standing next to 3 children that you birthed, there is a stark difference. Suddenly, you are trapped in a babysitting job that has gotten very old. It matters not how perfect the child is, one feels irritated. And I say that with all the guilt you can possibly imagine.

In all the years of prepping for this adoption- seminars, books, and talking with fellow adoptive moms- I only remember hearing of struggles from other adoptive parents based on a child’s issue. I was mentally prepared to help Hannah through her trauma and ensuing baggage. However, praise God, Hannah Joy is doing beautifully! It is I that have the issues. I have since realized that our adoption process was just the beginning of God’s refining work in my life because the last few weeks have squeezed me in a way I’ve never been squeezed and what has come out has been pure and simple gross, ugly sin.

I went back to Jonah looking for answers. Jonah, defying all logic is upset after the salvation of Ninevah and states, “I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love…” And God asked Jonah, “Have you any right to be angry?” I knew intellectually that I am staring a magnificent miracle in the face and have absolutely nothing to be angry about. But here I am struggling with feeling irritated and sometimes even angry at this child I begged God for and thought I was crazy in love with. My Bible commentary on those verses states that our sinful nature resists the display of God’s grace to any of His creatures. As ashamed as I am to admit it, that rings true with me. Intellectually, I have no doubt this is God’s design for our family, that I truly desire this sweet girl, and wouldn’t go back to being just the five of us for anything. But, there is this deep, horrifying part of me that I feel I have no control over that is resisting what God is doing in our family.

So where does that leave me? It has me begging God moment by moment to help me truly love Hannah as He does. It has me begging Him to transform this ugly sinful heart of mine. And it has me claiming His promises that He will do that over time. There are two other verses I would like to share with you:

1) Psalm 119:172-173- May my tongue sing of your word, for all your commands (being called to adopt) are righteous. May your hand be ready to help me (He will!), for I have chosen your precepts.

2) Psalm 84:11- For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing (a love for Hannah) does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

God calls us to hard things. But, praise God, He is trustworthy, able and good. And so, to answer your question as to how we are doing, I can say “This is hard for me, but by God’s grace each day is a little bit better because He is stretching and refining me to be more like Him. And everyone else is doing extraordinary!”

God Continues to Work Miracles

2011-11-22T06:42:00.002-06:00

I wrote the following to Peter, Dr. A's brother and Dr. A was copied:
"While in Bangalore, I am hoping for the opportunity to visit St. John's hospital. Hannah was in their NICU from May 26th to June 2, 2009, but I do not have any of those medical records. It is my desire to acquire those. Not sure if it will be possible, but I would like to try."

Dr. A responded right away with the following note:
"St John's Medical College was my medical school and I want you to meet Dr. *****, who was my classmate and is now the chief of pediatric surgery at St John's Hospital. He will definitely help you get the medical records. In case, Dr. ***** is not available, please contact Dr. *****, who is the professor of pathology at St John's and also my cousin. She will certainly help you get the records."

Only God could have planned and connected this midwest family with this Houston, TX/Bangalore, India family to supply our lodging and paperwork needs. It was so neat to sit our children down and explain what God was doing and then to tell them He has had this plan since the beginning of time- back when He created Adam and Eve- and to see their eyes get so big! And it has also been really neat to have them clearly see, not only our local church, but a global Family of God working to take care of us. These are lessons I hope I will never let them forget.

Mom and Dad arrived Sunday evening. The kids are so excited to have their Nanna and Grandpa Joe with them! Mom and Dad have already been a huge blessing. It is now Tuesday with Thanksgiving being on Thursday. We leave Saturday at about 2:30PM. I will post again once our trip begins. Until then, I hope you all have a very blessed Thanksgiving!

Praise to Our God from This Morning's Worship

2011-11-06T16:07:00.007-06:00

Tommy Walker- He Knows My Name
Verse 1
I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands
(Not only has He shown me this about myself, but He has shown me this about Hannah.)

Chorus
He knows my name (Knows me, but I've also seen Him clearly name Hannah)
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call (How many times did I call out to Him through this adoption?)

Verse 2
I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go (True for me and for every orphan)

Showers of Blessings

2011-11-03T11:24:00.004-05:00

***Someone we don't even know donated sky miles to us so that we only had to pay about a third of what our airfare would have been. Sky miles can be very difficult to work with. But God lined all the dates and flights up to make it work perfectly...and with very nice routes and times. He also supplied a travel agent, Linda Stark of Vista Travel in Boise, Idaho, that was willing to help us with our travel using sky miles. AMAZING to watch God move with a plan He's had since the beginning of time. Wow!

***My Dad's cardiologist in Houston is from Bangalore. I'll call him Dr. A. His mother Ena and his brother Peter and his family still live there, 15 minutes from VCT. Last night, I spoke with his mother and she was as sweet as could be. Dr. A owns a furnished two story apartment next to his relatives for when he and his family come to visit. They go to India every year at this time- except this year. Dr. A has invited us to stay in their apartment free of charge during our stay in Bangalore. And his brother will be at the airport to pick us up. Seriously?! An Indian Grandma next door while we are in a home setting for our first couple of days with Hannah??? It doesn't get any better than that! Wow, God!

***Philip and I had immunization boosters this morning for going to India. We went to Tremont at 8AM to the health clinic. The receptionist asked for $234, which we were totally unprepared for. So, Philip ran back into Tremont proper to an ATM. I was sitting in the waiting room thanking God for ATM's and a life that He has blessed allowing us to spontaneously withdraw $234. But God wasn't done. We got called to a back room for consultation. They had the boosters we needed from a government program that distributes them for free and would be expiring soon. Did we want them? We got the immunizations we needed today without paying a penny. Wow, God!

Trip Coming Together!

2011-11-02T14:25:00.006-05:00

We've had to shift our trip to after Thanksgiving. This is now how things are shaping up:

~We will fly out of Peoria 2:30PM on the 26th, be routed through Chicago and Zurich and arrive in New Delhi at 1AM on the 28th. We'll get through customs and hopefully nap in the airport until our flight to Bangalore around 6:30 AM and arrive about 8:30AM on the 28th. We'll take that day to get cleaned up and recover.

~We will meet Hannah and her foster family at VCT on the 29th with Gotcha Day being the 30th. We will hang out on the 1st, and then fly to New Delhi at 9:30AM on the 2nd. I need to set up her medical appointment for the afternoon of the 2nd or morning of the 3rd.

~Our Consulate appointment is on Monday the 5th.

~The Consulate is closed for an Indian holiday on the 6th.

~If we don't get her visa on the 5th, then we'll get it on the 7th. So on the 6th and 7th, we'll probably play tourist.

~Then we have a 9:30AM flight out of New Delhi on the 8th and be routed through Munich and Chicago landing in Peoria on the 8th about 10PM. We couldn't be more excited!

Leaving on a Jet Plane!

2011-10-31T20:34:00.002-05:00

"Hi Charisa,
I received a copy of Hanna’s passport today!! It is attached to this email for you. VCT will give you the original when you are there to receive Hanna...."

And that is the start of the email we have waited so very long to receive! Now that the absolute crazy flurry of emails and phone calls have died down for the night, reality is finally starting to set in. Today really did happen. I didn't just dream it again for the thousandth time. We really are leaving very soon to go get our baby. And can I just say that my head is swimming with just how quickly I went from thinking 2 weeks is forever, to now 2 weeks feeling like a breath of time?!! There is SO MUCH to do to get ready to leave!!!

Nothing is final yet, but it is looking like we will fly out Saturday the 12th. We will meet Hannah and her foster family on the 15th with the 16th being Gotcha Day. We'll fly to New Delhi on the 18th and see if we can get her medical appointment that day or the next. We're then hoping we can have our Embassy interview on the 21st or 22nd. The 23rd will be reserved in case we have to come back the next day to actually receive Hannah's visa. We will spend Thanksgiving in India and then we'll fly home on the 25th.

A neat reminder happened today. Our travel agent was shocked and a little stumped that Hannah's passport has no last name. She's not sure how to enter her in the system having only one name. We agreed we'd have enough documentation with us to allow her to book airline tickets for Hannah as 'Hanna Ausfahl.' The similarity to what Christ has already done for me was just too huge to miss. Hasn't Christ given me His name, 'Christ-ian,' in order to allow me into His heaven? Thank you, Jesus, for my salvation and for my children!

Passport Update

2011-10-25T13:51:00.004-05:00

I considered titling this post "India, You're Killing Me," but decided a more positive attitude was needed :) I received word from Holt today that Hannah's passport has been "Granted" but not "Dispatched." I called Holt and asked if I could spend tonight making our appointments in India, or if I have to wait until VCT actually has her passport in hand. Mary explained we have to wait because we have no idea how long it will take for VCT to receive the passport. It could still be a couple of weeks away because "granted" does not include "created"- printed. And we don't know how big of a hurry they will be to actually put the passport in the mail to VCT.

Before I started to beat my head against the wall, Mary was quick to reassure me that "Granted" really is good news because that means we have gotten past the step that many get bogged down in due to the requirement of random police clearances. So that is why I am choosing to hear the good news and trying to resist the feeling of frustration.
P.S. I was talking with my dad this afternoon and admitting that my patience is absolutely spent. I am so done with waiting. But God reminded me of some things this afternoon. As I've gotten closer to the finish line, I have accidentally allowed my focus to be on that finish line. And as soon as that happened, I have literally felt stuck in the mud and trying to claw my way inch by inch through these last adoption steps. I need to get my eyes back on Him, understanding He is what I NEED- not the completion of our adoption. Only when I am seeking Him can I get out of the mud, mount up with wings as eagles, and have peace.

Life in Central Illinois

2011-10-22T18:06:00.005-05:00

~Farmers For a Morning~

A thrilling day planting a field of corn! Thanks, Mr. Barth!Time to Harvest and we're ready to go with our "Farmer caps!"

~Telling Mrs. Copeland all about his morning as a farmer~

October's Report

2011-10-21T13:26:00.005-05:00

While we wait on her passport, our little Sunshine just keeps growing. I wish someone over there would put a book on her head :) She is now 22 lbs and 33 inches tall. They also mentioned her psychomotor delay is improving. Yay! And now, here is our Hannah Joy:

God has definitely blessed us with four gorgeous kiddos :) I pray we can help guide them to love the Lord with all their hearts and use their minds and abilities to honor and glorify Him!

God is Up to Something

2011-10-06T11:38:00.002-05:00

I know God, in His beautiful and perfect tapestry that He is weaving, is lining up events that I can't see. I received the following note from Holt this morning:
"I received word from VCT that they are submitting the application for Hannah’s passport tomorrow. They hope to receive the passport in approximately 3 weeks time. I’ll keep you posted!"

Contrary to what I thought, they did not start the passport process back around the 26th of September. They will be starting it tonight as we sleep. I do not know the earthly reason for the delay. Also, Diwali celebration will have the passport office closed from October 26-30. So, I am praying with a very open hand understanding God's perfect plan and timing, that they can complete her passport before the 26th.

For all those whose knees are wearing out continuing to pray on our behalf...there just are no words to adequately thank you. I believe heaven has a special place for true prayer warriors. Thank you, thank you for going to battle for us so many times through this adoption journey.

Paperwork Frustration

2011-09-20T16:14:00.005-05:00

I have fallen behind in updating my blog. So here is a summary of recent events:

Saturday, September 10- Received notice from USCIS that our I800 and I800A were renewed.
Monday, September 12- We were issued our Visas to India. Also we had a Pampered Chef fundraiser for Open Hearts, Open Homes. We were given $100 towards our adoption and we raised $75 for the Robertson family, $75 for the Entner family and enough rolled in the next day that it looks like we'll be able to also give $50 to the Carbaugh family! Thank you to all for your generous contributions!
Friday, September 16- VCT received our Court Orders. We celebrated for about an hour before realizing there were huge errors in the orders. We notified Holt and they said the orders must be corrected in order for a smooth finalization process here in the U.S. However, they said it shouldn't hold up her passport or our travel plans. We also found out that day that since we reside in Illinois, we are exempt from the ICPC (a big paperwork step required by most states). So that is a praise!
Today- VCT notified Holt that the errors are actually significant enough that they cannot apply for her passport until those orders are corrected.

We would greatly appreciate prayers that the Orders could be corrected quickly so they can apply for her passport. Since we don't have to do the ICPC, we can travel to bring her home as soon as she has her Indian passport. Thank you so much, Prayer Warriors!!

Fingerprints, Visas, and New Pictures!

2011-09-07T13:29:00.006-05:00

Friday was a great day. The kids and I picked up Philip and my passport pictures, combined them with our Visa applications and additional documents, and mailed it all off to Travisa. Then the four of us made a trek to Wal-Mart where I treated them to a frozen lemonade to share. We had a blast together in that toy aisle picking out a few gifts for Hannah to keep her entertained on the long plane ride home. It was a great day for all of us.

On Monday, Labor Day, we drove up to Chicago to enjoy a family outing to Shedd Aquarium. We were assigned an 8AM appointment on Tuesday in Naperville to redo our expiring fingerprints with USCIS. So, we had decided to make a family adventure of it and enjoy an aquarium for the first time as a family. Great plan, right? We thought so. However, our transmission lost everything over 2nd gear on our way there. Praise God, we were only about 40 min from our hotel in Naperville. And so, with our hazard lights blinking and occasional sudden jerks, we crawled our way to the the hotel. Again, praise God our hotel had an indoor pool and I had thrown in swim suits on the off chance we found ourselves with a few extra minutes to jump in. Little did I know :) But God did. So the kids and I spent the afternoon in that pool while Philip went to work taking care of us.
To make a long story short, Sierra had fun pretending we were characters in the Little House on the Prairie since we had to walk to dinner. We made it to our USCIS appointment and sailed through that. We got a Uhaul truck, trailer to get the van home, and rented a car for the kids and I to get home. Our kids thought it was great fun to each get a turn riding in the truck with Philip and pretending to be Mater the tow truck. So between the pool, eating in restaurants, and their imaginations, they had a wonderful adventure! Mommy and Daddy, well we're honestly still reeling and trying to figure out if the van is salvageable.
We finally got home last night feeling absolutely exhausted and doing our dead level best to not succumb to becoming grouchy parents. Of course, I had to check email just in case there was any adoption news. We had notices from Travisa- Philip's application was being processed. Mine was being held because my proof of residency was unacceptable. After talking with them this morning, I found Travisa explained that my ID is expired (they didn't explain in the notice they sent). When I looked, the front of my ID does actually look expired. However, I have a sticker on the back of my ID with an official 4 year extension. So, a) it makes sense why they red flagged it but b) it just never occurred to me to think of the dates being expired because it is my legit license. So I scanned both sides and have emailed those images to Travisa. Hoping for clear sailing from here on out for both Visas.

With all this happening over the last two days, even the little hickup with Travisa had me pretty upset. As I told my sister when she called to offer her shoulder and listening ear, I was feeling very much at my limit. I know God is in control of all these things. So I was struggling with the "Why?" But as I got quiet and started just doing the humdrum of returning from a trip (you know- cleaning and laundry), I realized even the fact that I was allowed the freedom to feel frustrated was a blessing. I didn't have to grovel before a supreme god of the universe because I had the audacity to get frustrated with and question his plans. While He IS the God of the universe, He is also Abba Father. He created us in His image and He understands the times we are frustrated to tears. We are expected to obey, but He comes along beside us and wraps us in His loving arms and says, "I know it is hard. But it will be good. Come, child." So while folding that laundry, I actually felt my smile return. I turned on praise music and I received His gift of peace that His plan, whatever it is, is perfect. And not 5 minutes later, He gave me these in my email inbox:

She Is Ours!!!!

2011-08-31T15:40:00.003-05:00

THANK YOU, PRAYER WARRIORS!!!

Dear Philip and Charisa,

I have good news today. This is the email I received from VCT today:

“XXXX and Hanna--The orders have been passed and we have also signed the bonds. This particular court does not expect us to execute the bond in court which is a good thing. The advocate has assured us he is working on receiving the written court orders.” --end of update

YEAH!!! VCT will email a copy of the written order to me as soon as they have it in hand. It usually takes a couple of weeks for the written order to be completed. I’ll email the copy of the order to you as soon as I get it. VCT will apply for Hanna’s Indian Passport when a copy of the order is received.

Take care,

Holt Int'l

Time Line Thus Far

2011-08-24T12:51:00.005-05:00

Dec. 21, 2010- Article 5 Issued
Dec. 27, 2010- NOC Issued
April 13, 2011- First Hearing- Delayed
June 1, 2011- First Hearing- Delayed
June 29, 2011- First Hearing
July 15, 2011- Second Hearing
Aug. 11, 2011- Third Hearing- "The judge did not give the formal verbal order yet. He is telling the attorney that he will- but will not say when. It is very frustrating. The VCT directress and attorney had private meetings with the judge to stress the importance of adoption matters and to urge the orders to be given as soon as possible. Please be assured that VCT and the attorney are doing everything that they can and we will keep you posted."
Aug. 23, 2011- “Yesterday we had been to court. We checked with the advocate. He says no dates have been given for both xxxxx and Hanna. However he has been assured by the judge that these orders will be passed at the earliest. The advocate also seems confident. We can only hope for the best."
Aug. 24, 2011- “Had a chat with the advocate. He says the judge had dictated the orders for both Hanna and xxxx . On checking the copy he found a lot of mistakes. He then took these rough drafts to his office got it corrected and has given it to the judge. However the judge fired his stenographer who made those mistakes and she has been on leave since then. The advocate spoke once again to the judge and he has promised to do this at the earliest. Usually it is only after the judge dictates the order that the verbal orders are passed although it sounds contradictory. So in reality the verbal orders have not been passed since the dictation is not complete. In spirit the orders have been passed because the advocate has made the necessary corrections and given it back to the judge for a fresh dictation. Hopefully we should hear from him soon. Please pass on this news to the parents so they know there is no problems with the judge passing the orders. It is a technical challenge."

Keith Sommer, 3rd Hearing, and New Pictures!

2011-08-02T14:16:00.004-05:00

So behind on my blog! We've been in Texas for two weeks and so much has happened. First, due to DCFS dragging their feet on running our background checks, our USCIS paperwork was going to expire. Scary! We sent out an urgent plea to everyone we knew to pray. We were out of time and needed a miracle! Our friends and family banded together and lifted up our case before our Lord. I can't put into words how loved and encouraged we felt because of you all. God used Rep. Keith Sommer to get our clearances and move forward in renewing our paperwork. Praise God!!!

Also, during that time, Hannah had her 2nd hearing. We passed and were assigned August 11th as her third hearing. We are praying that will be her final hearing and we can travel soon after to bring her home.

And now for what you've all been waiting for.....NEW PICTURES!!!! This kid is obviously packed with personality! I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I looked through them. Not only will her name remind me of the lessons I am learning of God's joy, but I think her nickname 'Sunshine' fits her to a T. Hannah exudes JOY!

2nd Hearing Thursday Night

2011-07-10T12:25:00.005-05:00

Home from church and what a thrilling Sunday it is! Baptism Sundays are always amazing, but this was a very touching one since a dear friend 61 years of age was baptized. Also, several children, beaming with God' joy and demonstrating truths of child-like faith, were baptized. Our 5 year old son also was saved earlier this week. While not ready to be baptized, my heart was swelling with gratitude. Then we all got to praise and worship together. Pastor Daniel began his study of Ruth by introducing Naomi's desperate and impoverished situation- in need of a Redeemer. We closed by singing "Mighty To Save," which is one of my personal favorites and one that I've posted her for you before. It all made a for service that was hard to not leave dancing!

The entire morning, the fact that Hannah's hearing is this week was buzzing in my brain. What a difference a few weeks makes of God working on my heart to reveal a completely different person headed into this second hearing. Yes, I absolutely completely desire to have Hannah home and as soon as possible. But can I tell you that I am actually more excited over the knowledge that His ways are perfect? It's true!

During this very long journey, most of the time, I could confidently tell you that I knew God was in control. I accepted the fact that God is good. I knew that had to gel somehow and so I worked oh so hard to not fight or resent that things were not on my timetable, but His. I knew I was learning lessons and I listed those as silver linings to my very dark cloud.

Friends, if I am honest, I can only just now tell you that I am thankful for the path God chose on which to take us. I've heard others say, and now I can join them, that while it was a path I would never have chosen for my self, I would not erase a moment of it. He is using it to shape the woman, wife, mother that I am and am still becoming. I look at the person I was when we first started our adoption journey, and you couldn't pay me enough to return to that ugly, hard, joyless person.

So, I am headed into this week and Hannah's second hearing with joy, peace, and full confidence that whatever happens will be good. There is a song that everyone is playing these days. Wonderfully, it was sung in church this morning as well. I've never posted it because I wasn't to the point of being able to thank Him for the pain. I'm posting it for you today and I hope it ministers to you. And I hope you'll pray for us Thursday night during Hannah's hearing. Thank you!

Laura Story- Blessings
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

God Named Hannah

2011-07-03T12:28:00.004-05:00

I'm actually embarrassed to share this post with you. There are times when my thickheadedness surprises even me. But what I've FINALLY realized is just too God-glorifying to keep to myself.

In order to explain, I first need to follow up on the last post. After reading Pastor Daniel's response, I honestly sat back and thought, "It isn't true. The motivation he is describing as mine, isn't accurate. My motivation, while it includes the things he listed, is, at its core, centered around me. I want Hannah- for me. And I feel that so incredibly strongly, that I don't think I can possibly lay myself down enough to honestly answer that those other reasons are my core reasons. I can't get there." I confessed that to God and asked for His help. Once again, I am so thankful for the many places in Scripture where the verse states, "..., but God..." That is what I experienced that day. It was true- I couldn't possibly transform my heart that radically on my own. But He took my genuine desire to repent, and wiped my heart clean of my selfishness very quickly. By morning, my heart was right. Now, all I needed to do was ask boldly.

I worked all morning to come before Him with my bold request to have the judge sign off on all three of Hannah's hearings that night. And I just couldn't do it. I prayed for many things and filled a page of written prayers, but I just couldn't work up the nerve to ask Him. God, in His unfathomable desire to teach me how to come before Him, used our neighbor and our daughter Sierra to play out a scene that showed me perfectly how to ask for something boldly. So I finally did and this time with the right motivation- His glory!

An amazing thing I noticed. Once my eyes are more closely trained on Him, the more my requests come out as praises and unbelievable joy! Do you remember my post from June 2nd? Again, God was bringing me back to this lesson on how to live in the joy of the Lord! As an aside, I have learned this is what stabilizes my pendulum as a mommy between being too permissive and being too harsh. If I have true joy from the Lord, it gives me discernment for how to handle my children's behavior. So, it seems the culmination of this loooooong adoption journey is teaching me how to live in the joy of the Lord and is a powerful lesson for me both as a wife and as a mommy.

Now for my thickheadedness. Do you know what we decided a long time ago would be Hannah's middle name? You got it. Hannah Joy. We knew sweet Hannah was going to be a blessing to our family and bring us great joy. But now I have a less self-centered understanding of joy and God knew what a powerful constant reminder her name would be for me- even if it took me quite a while to realize it :) God gave her the first name of Hannah in India knowing how powerful that Biblical example would be for her. And then He led us to give her the middle name of Joy knowing the lessons He had in store for us. Does it take your breath away? It certainly does mine.

My Morning with God

2011-06-26T20:20:00.008-05:00

I started my morning sick to my stomach filled with anxiety regarding Hannah's hearing this coming Tuesday night. Sunday school opened with reading a passage from Daniel 4:
34 At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation.
35 All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: “What have you done?”
I am embarrassed to admit that His Sovereignty did not bring peace, but continued nausea. What if He asks us to wait longer with another delay in this first hearing? Then we started discussing God's different names and their meanings. Here are a few:
# El Shaddai (Lord God Almighty)
# El Elyon (The Most High God)
# Adonai (Lord, Master)
# Yahweh (Lord, Jehovah)
# Jehovah Nissi (The Lord My Banner)
# Jehovah-Raah (The Lord My Shepherd)
# Jehovah Rapha (The Lord That Heals)
# Jehovah Shammah (The Lord Is There)
# Jehovah Tsidkenu (The Lord Our Righteousness)
# Jehovah Mekoddishkem (The Lord Who Sanctifies You)
# El Olam (The Everlasting God)
# Elohim (God)
# Qanna (Jealous)
# Jehovah Jireh (The Lord Will Provide)
# Jehovah Shalom (The Lord Is Peace)
# Jehovah Sabaoth (The Lord of Hosts)
My friend and fellow adoptive mom asked me after class how I am doing. She shared her "adoption Psalm" and I have to agree- it spoke right to my heart. The entire Psalm 33 is powerful. But she specifically pointed out verses 20-22:
20 We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.
22 May your unfailing love be with us, LORD, even as we put our hope in you.
And then I got to listen to Pastor Daniel teach us from Luke 11:5-13:
5 Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; 6 a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ 7 And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ 8 I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity[e] he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.
9 “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
11 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for[f] a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
Honestly, there is far too much from his sermon than I can share here. I encourage you to listen to the sermon online when it gets uploaded. But I will share my question I had for him:
Hi Pastor Daniel,
I am so thankful for your sermon today. But I am still trying to understand righteous boldness in regards to what I bring before God.

So many things you listed or used as examples from other passages of Scripture, God has already provided or is providing. He has already given me salvation. He has already given me the Holy Spirit. I am already blessed and continue to be blessed in HUGE ways. He has not given up on me, but continues to teach and mold me. So, to ask for something else huge with boldness....is that losing sight of what He has already given and essentially acting spoiled and ungrateful? Or am I truly still supposed to ask for big things?

Hannah's court hearing is Tuesday night while we sleep. Should I be praying that we pass this hearing, knowing that a favorable outcome is a big blessing that we do not deserve? Or is it okay to actually ask that, like a small handful of other cases from other parts of India, that the judge sign off for all three hearings during this first hearing? I worry that this request is so big that I am acting entitled to just an approval to proceed to the next hearing. It makes it hard to make this request in any kind of bold manner.
Pastor Daniel's response:
Charisa,
I meant to touch more on this, but, alas, my time was shorter than my notes.

The key to bold prayer is proper motivation. We pray for things w/ God-glorifying, big motives. So, pray for a favorable outcome that you do not deserve on Tuesday...and pray with big motives! Your goal is not just to "get her home"...your goal is to get her home, share the gospel with her and bring about her salvation! I think it's a great prayer request.

So, friends, I will be praying boldly for a very huge outcome on the 29th. And we will see if God has more lessons in store for us in the waiting, or if He says it is time to bring Hannah home.

Hearing Date Set for End of June

2011-06-03T15:40:00.001-05:00

We just received word that we've been issued a hearing date of June 29th. Also, the Scrutiny Agency finally received the notice from the court. So, while the hearing date is further out than I would have liked, I am choosing to be oh so grateful for the notice and praise Him for a timeline that I know is perfect. I know so many of you have been fervently on your knees before Him on our behalf. THANK YOU!

Learning to Praise- Even When it is Hard

2011-06-02T14:22:00.003-05:00

Me: Mom, I don't understand why God started our journey soooo long ago- before we knew we were pregnant with Ian! If God knows all and has a perfect plan, then He knows the date when Hannah will come home to us. Why did He start us before she was even born? Why not start us wayyyyy closer to the date of when we will bring her home? The only answer I can come up with is... me. I need all this time for Him to be working on me? All this pain and heartache that I am learning from isn't just a side benefit, but the primary purpose?

Mom: Yep. Go take another lap around that mountain, Moses.

Leave it to God to use your mother to be brutaly honest and forthright...and just what I needed. After hanging up the phone, I decided to go review Moses and those Israelites that got stuck wandering the dessert for 40 years. First, I read Numbers 20:12 where God explains to Moses why he will no longer enter Canaan, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy..." Then, I read Numbers 14. Verses 11-12 say, "How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of the miraculous signs I have performed among them?" Verses 22 and 23 say, "...not one of the men who saw my Glory and the miraculous signs I performed in Egypt and in the dessert but who disobeyed me and tested me ten times- not one of them will ever see it."

In frustration, I railed against God, " But I do believe! That is what is so hard. I know you hold the power in your hand to give us this child! But, here we still are- wandering this dessert!"

I continued to read verses 24 through 38. That whole section deals with the Israelites grumbling. In verse 27, God says, "How long will this wicked community grumble against me? I have heard the complaints of these grumbling Israelites."

I have to confess, my first thought was, "Well, I wouldn't grumble if you would just do what I'm asking you to do!" I knew shame immediately since I know how ludicrous it is for a tiny speck of creation to try to inform the almighty Creator of anything.

Suddenly, I remembered listening to a speaker a couple years ago that radiated the joy of the Lord. Have you ever met someone like that? It seemed her face visibly glowed she was so full of joy straight from heaven. I remember praying for quite a while after that, that God would help me learn to be so full of Him that I would radiate Christ like that. I actually had the privilege of speaking to that same woman about a week ago and she shared with me that she has had some very hard, difficult times when God has taught her to praise Him in the midst of that pain. She shared how she could hear Him asking her, "Are you going to praise me even now?" And then it dawned on me that God is currently answering my prayer.

You see if I look at the Israelites example of grumbling and all the examples of the apostles praising God in the midst of persecution as well as this dear lady's example, I have to honestly say I fall in the camp of grumblers most often. Sometimes, I have done well with accepting His answer of 'Wait.' But I see now that just keeping a good attitude and trusting in His will falls far short of actually praising Him.

So, I can start praising Him for His character and perfect plan...and for answering my request to teach me to have His overflowing joy in my life- even when circumstances around me are hard.
Voyage of the Dawn Treader:
"Then the lion said- but I don't know if it spoke- 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know- if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."

"I know exactly what you mean, " said Edmund.

"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off- just as I thought I'd done myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me- I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm." And then Aslan dressed him in new clothes.

Indian Court Saga

2011-05-26T15:00:00.003-05:00

We received the following update from VCT today:
“We have called the scrutiny only to be told that they have not received the notice from the court. They can file their report only when court sends the notice. The court has given us the date of June 1st and we are hoping the notice will go to the scrutiny before that date.”

The last time we were scheduled for court back in April, our case was postponed because of this same issue. Please pray the court sends the notice ASAP. I asked the program director at Holt if it would help if I were present for the hearing- or if there was ANYTHING we could be doing to help things along. He was very sympathtic and equally frustrated, but the answer was "no" and actually showing up would hurt us because it sends the message that we are wealthy Americans that can afford flights over there. He explained then things will be further delayed as they try to milk us for bribes, etc.

Please pray for angels to walk our paperwork through their system. We know we serve a powerful God. As Nehemiah prayed, "O Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and obey his commands, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night..." We are getting our backs up against the wall on having all of our paperwork expire again. We've already used up our one free I800 extension and one free change of country. Thank you all for praying.

***UPDATE***

We have been delayed again and, as of yet, do not have another date. Holt explained that they've never had this problem before between the Scrutiny Dept and the Court. While it is typical to have new judges all the time, the court we are trying to get through has had a complete turn-over in staff as well. So no one there knows what they're doing.

Happy Birthday, Sunshine!

2011-04-30T20:27:00.004-05:00

Our baby girl is waking up right now and today is her 2nd birthday! We have some very sweet friends that invited us to spend the evening with them for a traditional Indian meal. We had spinach dahl, chicken curry, green beans, rice and yogurt. Sravani graciously kept the meal from being too spicy for us :) It was all delicious! It was wonderful to spend the evening talking about India and finding out what traditional Indian birthdays entail- which are actually very similar to American birthdays. Sravani pulled out their daughter Naseera's special birthday dress and bangles from India for when she turns 1- so beautiful! It truly was a wonderful time. And the kids LOVED seeing adults eat with their hands! Hannah, I hope your day is equally as special. Happy Birthday from half a world away. Your mommy and daddy are thinking about you!

April Update on Hannah

2011-04-20T14:02:00.005-05:00

We received updated medical reports on Hannah today. It included the following:

Hannah wakes up around 7AM and drinks milk with sugar. She eats normal breakfast like idli, dosa, chapathi, poori, upma, etc. at 9AM. Her foster mother makes idli, dosa, cuts them into small pieces and then she eats by herself. She plays on her own and loves to play with toys and soft toys. She is very active and is always on the move. She walks, runs, and also climbs the stairs. She talks a lot and also responds when spoken to. She has her lunch by 1:30PM and then takes a nap for about 2 hours. When she wakes up, she has milk and biscuits, bread, or a fruit. She has her dinner by 8:30PM and sleeps with her foster mother during the night. She sleeps by 10PM and sleeps through the night. She still has the habit of falling asleep by holding a cloth in her hand. According to her foster mother, she is a strong willed child. She imitates her foster mother a lot. She is interested in computers and she tries to touch and move the mouse when she comes to the office (VCT) too. She loves to get dressed and go out. She follows commands. She is also very close to her foster father. She eats normal food and eats all kinds of fruit. She is not fussy about eating.

So that is all good news. I did notice this is the first picture we have received where she is wearing a mark from the Hindu temple.

Letter To My Girl

2011-04-17T16:27:00.002-05:00

There are times like this weekend when I am convinced the book of Esther is in the Bible solely for our family. Esther was an orphan. God knew what experiences Esther would need in her childhood to shape and prepare her for the role God had for her as Queen Esther.

This is Hannah's story- not our story. And it is clear that God is calling our girl to go through pain that I cannot begin to fathom. Hannah is with a foster family- a family she's been with since about 2 months of age. She turns 2 in a couple of weeks. She has no concept of "foster family" or "birth family." She knows them as "Mama" and "Daddy" and "Sister." For every day God asks her to wait and age with her foster family, He is calling her to a more acute pain in leaving them. This mama's heart is truly breaking for her, seeing what is going to be happening to her. And I am powerless to protect her from it.

Hannah, if you ever read this, I want you to know how much my heart aches for you. If there was a way to spare you this horrendous pain, I would do whatever it took. As much as my mommy heart hurts for you, I know God's heart hurts even more. I know He has counted every one of my tears and every tear you will shed as well. I know He has already reached down to help shepherd you through this by showing Himself through the missionaries at VCT and through Mary Paul, the orphanage director. As much as I want to comfort you through it all, I know there will be aspects of your grief I will not understand. But God does and He wants to be your Abba Father. He can grant you the peace and healing that I so desperately want you to find. But, my precious one, I will ALWAYS be that "person with skin on" to hold you. And to remind you that you are my present day Queen Esther. I know He has great plans for you. He has not now or ever will forsake you. Hold tight to Him and I love you with every fiber of my being.

Your Forever-Mama

God Says Wait

2011-04-15T19:36:00.003-05:00

Despite the following note from Holt that we received this afternoon, we know that God is mighty to save and that Hannah will come home to us when God knows it is the perfect time. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Dear Phil and Charisa,
I received some disappointing news from VCT today. The Scrutiny agency did not get their report filed in time for the hearing, so the 1st hearing has been postponed to after Summer Recess on 1 June. They also shared that your case is in a court with a new judge who is just learning adoption matters. It is very frustrating to say the least, but this is not unusual for the Bangalore court process. New judges come in and have to be ‘educated’ on adoption matters. We can hope the judge is compassionate and a quick learner. VCT has been making personal visits to the court, but they don’t seem to be having any affect yet. We will keep you informed of any updates, but I don’t expect anything new until after 1 June.

Take care,
Mary

WinterJam- Newsong

2011-04-03T22:37:00.007-05:00

Philip and I were Holt volunteers at WinterJam tonight. During the concert, we were taken back stage to talk with Eddie and Billy of Newsong and show them pictures of our Hannah. They remembered her from their trip to VCT in September and said she was one of their favorites- so outgoing and sweet. A couple people from the group wanted to take her home. So fun to be able to think, "Nope- she's ours!" Awesome to be able to personally thank them for all they are doing to help orphans around the world by partnering with Holt. I also got to sign up 5 families to support an orphan monthly. I was able to take out our pictures of Hannah and tell each family how personally thankful I am for their committment. A very exciting night- to God be the glory! If you are interested in sponsoring a child through Holt International, please visit the following webpage:

http://www.holtinternational.org/cgi/sponsorship/index.cgi

First Personal Fast

2011-04-02T18:29:00.007-05:00

Precious Prayer Warriors,

I plan to do my first personal day of fasting and praying (I've done it one other time but it was for another's need) on April 12th regarding our paperwork and a favorable action by the court that night while we sleep (India's Wednesday the 13th). I know the decision to fast is not a way to "twist God's arm" into giving me that for which I am asking. But I do know Satan would like to interfere in this adoption. Also, I know there are times God calls us to exercises of discipline for our good. Anyway, all that to say that it would be a huge encourage- ment if others were willing to join me. Would you be willing to comment on this post to let me know you will be on your knees as well bathing that day in prayer? For a little more explanation you can read the following note from Holt as to what is at stake:

The judge told Mary Paul to have the attorney submit a request to advance the hearing up to 13 April. If this request is granted, then the attorney will have to push the judge to complete the hearings in time to issue the court order before the Summer Recess. We don’t know if this will be successful or not. It could be that the first hearing will occur on 4/13 and then nothing further until after the Summer Recess. It could be that the first and second hearings could occur before the Summer Recess, but then nothing further until after the break. We just don’t know and have to wait and see if the judge heeds Mary’s please for expediency.

Even if you decide not to fast, I know many of you are already praying. THANK YOU.

Perfect End to Day

2011-04-01T19:54:00.004-05:00

You know, there are times when I know God enjoys dropping that cherry on top! Today has been one of those times. Something unnecessary but unmistakable. And oh so beautiful. He painted a gorgeous and very bright rainbow in the sky. If you aren't already smiling and nodding at His perfect ending to our day, you need to read the post from September 5th, 2010 that explains the significance of our Hannah and His rainbow artwork:

http://completingourclan.blogspot.com/2010/09/weve-looked-into-our-daughters-eyes.html

Hannah Receives Our Gifts!

2011-04-01T16:35:00.009-05:00

A family is in India right now to bring home their little one from VCT. They were willing to take a doll and photo album to Hannah for us. We'll never be able to thank them enough for the priceless pictures they took of her receiving them. They sent us 6 pictures! Below is the note we received:
To: Charisa Ausfahl
Sent: Fri, April 1, 2011 12:52:49 PM
Subject: Re: Today is the day!

I have a present for you! There may be more after we download from the other 3 cameras that were in the room, but here, at least, is a starter set from my father's camera. She is just BEAUTIFUL! Quiet and shy. Maybe even a bit timid. You will be so blessed when she joins your family. Let me know if this email is too large and I need to break them up for you to receive them.
Maren

Also, on their blog http://aliensenroute.blogspot.com/ they mentioned how well prepared their daughter was for this time of transition. Finally, we have been praying there would be someone in India teaching our Sunshine about Jesus. Are you sitting down??? Someone from Peoria, IL comes in every week to teach the children from the Bible! Wow.

I just have to share a portion of one of their posts. I couldn't agree more:
"Today when we picked up Sneha from Vathsalya Charitable Trust, we were treated to a whole series of songs from about 20 children including Sneha. Some we had heard such as Jesus Loves Me, Lords Army, If You're Happy and You Know It, and others. Some of the songs we had not heard before. My favorite was Satan is a Loser-Man. I gotta try and find the words to it. The song cracked me up. Later, as she was taking a brief nap in our hotel room, I started thinking about the song again. At first, it simply made me smile. Then it made me smug. You see, Satan really IS a loser-man. That twerp tried and tried and tried some more to wreck our ability to bring her home. He threw all sorts of obstacles in the way to cause delay, distress, discouragement, and doubt. With the Lord leading the way, we pressed on. Today was the culmination of several years worth of significant effort. And today, Satan, loser of all losers became a Loser-Man all over again. Think about that a second. The ruler of all evil, the great deceiver and destroyer....Failed. Big time. Totally."

Our God is Stronger!

2011-03-29T19:48:00.003-05:00

I received a little more information this evening from Holt:

Hi Charisa,

I understand your confusion, the process confuses us at times too! Mary Paul went to the court to speak to the judge who is apparently handling all of the adoption cases right now. We have many cases that are in the same situation you are with the court process and some who have hearings, but the dates he is setting are very far out. So, Mary went to talk to him to see if she could explain to him the urgency of these cases in regards to the children and get him to move things along quicker.

The judge told Mary Paul to have the attorney submit a request to advance the hearing up to 13 April. If this request is granted, then the attorney will have to push the judge to complete the hearings in time to issue the court order before the Summer Recess. We don’t know if this will be successful or not. It could be that the first hearing will occur on 4/13 and then nothing further until after the Summer Recess. It could be that the first and second hearings could occur before the Summer Recess, but then nothing further until after the break. We just don’t know and have to wait and see if the judge heeds Mary’s please for expediency.

So the news today was a little hopeful, but at the same time not something that we can ‘hang our hat’ on. Of course, Dean and I will let you know as soon as we get any news.

Take care,
Mary

Update on Judge Assignment

2011-03-29T15:38:00.000-05:00

Dear Charisa,

We did receive a little news from VCT about a court date. Mary Paul personally visted the judge. Here is the info as we received it from VCT; please disregard the formatting and spelling issues:

“From: VCT
Sent: Tuesday, March 29, 2011 4:02 AM
To: Dean Hale
Subject: Re: Hanna/Susfahl

Dean,
I did request the judge to advance the case. He was not very friendly at first and talked about the pending cases for "Custody" which he had to complete in 2 weeks. Schools close for summer and this is the time parents ask for visiting rights etc.(divorce cases)

I do feel they are very ignorant about GAWA cases although they are given a handbook on adoption. I had to assure him that there were no respondents in this case and he could pass the order once the scrutiny had filed in their reports.

He seems to understand and has asked Ruth to file for an advancement of the case for the 13th of April. We will have to push for orders before vacation.

mary paul” --end of VCT update

“GAWA” stands for Guardianship and Wards Act which is the law under which foreign adoption cases are filed in the Bangalore courts. These are guardianship cases. We have asked VCT to let us know asap if the hearing does get set for the 13th. After that, we will have to see if it gets through before the Summer Recess which is from 23 April to 23 May.

Thanks,
Mary Reynolds, India Program

We Struggle Not Against Flesh and Blood

2011-03-29T06:56:00.003-05:00

At 2:30 this morning, I woke up to the sound of one of my children crying. I got up to see what was wrong, only to find all of them sleeping peacefully. I can almost always go right back to sleep during the night. Not so last night- I found myself wide awake. And a question popped in my head, "God, did you wake me up?" I immediately thought of Mary Paul since I've been praying nearly constantly for her. 2:30AM my time meant it was 2PM in India. Was she meeting at that moment with a judge? I began praying earnestly for the hearts of those she must speak with and for God to speak through her. When I finished, I also prayed for physical and spiritual protection over Hannah. And then it occurred to me that while I have understood through this process who is truly in control (our Lord God and not any government official), I have overlooked our opposition. Hannah is with a devout Hindu family. Why wouldn't Satan oppose and work to hinder her joining a family submitted to God? Well, I will continue to fight for my Girl with my prayers. And I am greatly comforted this morning with the knowledge that many of you are fighting along with us. Thank you!

Prayer Request for Mary Paul

2011-03-26T09:10:00.002-05:00

From: Charisa Ausfahl [mailto:causfahl@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, March 25, 2011 7:12 AM
To: Dean Hale
Subject: Struggling

Good morning, Dean,

Why are we not getting assigned a judge so this process has a prayer of moving forward?

Charisa Ausfahl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Dean Hale on Friday, March 25, 2011 7:18PM

Thanks for the email. While I was out a couple of days this week, and have some catch up to do, I did not want you to wait over the weekend to hear from me.

Yes, the slowest and most frustrating element of the whole adoption process is waiting for the Courts! Bangalore courts have been a recurrent challenge…. so much so that this is noted in the India Adoption Guidebook.

I did speak with the Directress of VCT ( Mrs. Mary Paul) last night. She and the attorneys are also frustrated with the Court. While the Indian Supreme Court has long given and renewed opinion that the lower courts are to adjudicate adoption cases within two months, this is roundly ignored by the lower courts. Bangalore courts are particularly slow. Transparency and accountability are not words that I would use to describe the courts at this time.

The Directress of VCT told me last night that she plans to make a personal visit to the judge to advocate for adoption cases in process. She intends to remind the judge of the supreme court opinion and the CARA directive. Obviously telling a judge his duty is pretty touchy work. But if anyone can pull it off it is Mary Paul. I have watched her finesse people so sweetly that they didn’t have a clue that they were being finessed. This skill is a gift.

So, after the appt, Mary Paul will share impressions and we will connect with you.

I do hope that this is helpful information

Dean E. Hale, MSW
Director of Services for India
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you could be praying with us over the next few days for Mary Paul's visit to the court, we would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you,
Charisa

Case Number

2011-02-16T13:28:00.002-06:00

VCT obtained an update from the lawyer.

The Court officially entered the filing on Jan 19 and assigned a case number. They are advocating for the court to assign a judge and schedule a first hearing. Please continue to pray for a swift process through the courts. May, our Sunshine's 2nd birthday, is feeling just around the corner.

January 20 Update on Hannah

2011-02-03T19:13:00.002-06:00

Hannah is cheerful, alert, active and playful. Hannah wakes up around 7:30am and drinks milk with sugar either in a glass or feeding bottle. She eats normal breakfast like idli, dosa, chapathi, poori, upma etc... She plays on her own and loves to play with toys and soft toys. She is very active and is always on the move. She walks, runs and also climbs the stairs. She has her lunch by 1:30PM and then takes a nap for 2 hours. After she wakes up, she has milk and a few biscuits, bread or a fruit. Has her dinner by 8:30PM. She comfortably runs and walks without any support. She sleeps with her foster mother in the night. She has a foster sister Ramya also from VCT. She sleeps by 10PM and sleeps through the night. She still has the habit of falling asleep by holding a cloth in her hand. According to her foster mother, she can be stubborn at times and when she is checked. She imitates actions and in her foster home they have a computer and she shows a lot of interest in that. She loves to get dressed and go out. She follows commands. She is also very close to her foster father and calls him by his name Shashi. She has normal food like rice, dal, egg, chicken, fish, vegetables, etc... She also eats all kinds of fruits and is very fond of banana. She jabbers expressively and continuously. She loves to be held, hugged, or cuddled.

So to summarize, Hannah is an Ausfahl: cheerful, jabbers continuously, strong willed, very active, loves to be cuddled! :)

NOC!!!!!!

2011-01-04T13:58:00.002-06:00

"Certified that the Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA), Ministry of Women and Child Development, (the Central Authority of Government of India on Adoption Matters) has 'NO OBJECTION' to the placement of the under-mentioned child with the prospective adoptive parent(s) (PAPs) mentioned against their name(s)..."

WAHOO!!!!! Although we are just finding out about our NOC today, it was issued back on Dec. 27th- only 5 days after receiving our Article 5 Letter. Usually it takes 4-6 weeks to receive the NOC. AMAZING! It seems there is an angel walking Hannah's paperwork through each office.

So here is what is to come:

Bangalore Court Process

The following is a description of the Bangalore court process received from VCT:

"The first hearing is the day when the scrutiny files in their report.

The 2nd hearing is when an affidavit is filed by the advocate.

The 3rd hearing is 'for arguments'. This of course does not happen because there are no respondents. This hearing is mostly a formality.

If the judge feels like it he may ask for a further date and then give a final date for the orders. The number of hearings ranges from 3-5 normally. In some cases of course we have a few more postponements."

Please be prepared for 3-5 hearing dates, each with the potential to be postponed. The hearings are usually scheduled 2-4 weeks apart but this is up to the discretion of the judge. VCT is not provided the details of what happens at every court hearing. If something is required of you for the court or judge, then the attorney will inform VCT. VCT will then contact Holt with what is needed and we will then contact you to obtain the information for the court.

The outcome of the hearings is provided to VCT; ie: the hearing occurred or was postponed and the next scheduled court date. Holt will inform you of this information as soon as we have the news from VCT. Even though India is a day ahead of us, we do not usually hear the outcome of a hearing until 1-2 business days after the date of the hearing. We will contact you as soon as we have any news on the outcome of a hearing.

My Musings of Late

2011-01-02T16:48:00.002-06:00

A few thoughts have been swimming around my head lately and I thought I would just share:
1. From pictures, it seems clear that Hannah's foster family is Hindu.
2. From reports, it is clear that Hannah is very well taken care of and loved.
3. Due to a recent event, it is clear her foster family is willing to go above and beyond to foster our relationship with Hannah.
4. It is very clear to us that God's hand is on Hannah's life. Although she was gravely ill, He preserved her life as a newborn. Despite being abandoned, He brought her into Holt's care. It seems He specifically named her perfectly as Hannah. He called a couple in America to adopt a little girl. He knew they would need time to prepare and grow and therefore started them on the process nearly 3 years ago. Each time they were weak, discouraged or thought of giving up, He sent one of you to encourage them and kept them growing. And now, He is in the process of placing Hannah in their home- where He has blessed and provided for all of them.

So here are a few of my conclusions:
1) I will never be able to thank Hannah's foster family enough for the care they have given our baby in the meantime.
2) It is amazing to watch God use a family that worships other gods than Him to do His work.
3) It is amazing to be another family used by God to do His work.
4) What must God have purposed for this little girl that we affectionately call Sunshine?!?! I think of Esther often. She was an orphan that God's hand was upon and was purposed for God's work. God chose to use Mordecai to rear her.
5) While our other children have come from my womb, we have the same thoughts for them as well. We had no control over how He knit them together in my womb and the hearts/ personalities/ etc that they each have. We know each child has a specific purpose in life given to them by God. And He is choosing to use me and Philip to do His work. How humbling that is!
6) I have also been thinking about how God did the same for me. I was completely lost in my sin and He reached down and offered the gift of salvation to me. He took my sin on Himself and died on the cross in my place. If you think God exists but is just up there somewhere unconcerned about what all is going on down here in our day to day lives, you couldn't be more wrong.
7) God loves you and is actively showing Himself to you and offering His salvation to you as well.

ANSWERED PRAYER!!!

2010-12-22T09:11:00.002-06:00

Thank you for your prayers!!!!! We got our Article 5 letter before the U.S. Embassy shut down for Christmas!!!!! THANK YOU, JESUS!!!!

Dear Philip Matthew Ausfahl:

We have mailed the Article 5 letter to CARA and you may now proceed with the court order. Attached is the scanned copy of the Article 5 letter. Please let us know when you obtain the court order and the child’s passport, and we will advise you of the next steps.

Thank you

Immigrant Visa Unit
U.S. Embassy, New Delhi, India

Who Are You?- Part 2

2010-12-17T10:43:00.008-06:00

I totally guessed and made up what I thought might be Steve's email address. I sent the following email on Wednesday morning and then held my breath, whispering many little prayers (most were just the word "please"). I also emailed others on the Holt staff:

Hello Steve,
You do not know me. We are adopting a 19 month old little girl named Hanna, a waiting child with one of VCT's foster families through Holt. This morning, VCT posted on Facebook:
We are very happy to have Steve Kalb from HOLT today & tomorrow at VCT
Do you think it will be possible for you to take any video of Hanna or pictures of VCT that you can share with us???? As I'm sure you know, anything you can share with us will be treasured! Totally understand if you are not able.

Merry Christmas to you!

I got the following from Dean, the India program director:

I have no idea of whether he even has a camera. But I can ask him. Another thought… Steve has a very short visit to VCT and his time is tightly booked. Hanna is staying with a foster family. The foster families don’t have personal vehicles, so I do not know if VCT could ask foster family to break routines and come to VCT. VCT usually has to send their vehicle for that, but it may already be booked.

Then I got proof the email I used for Steve worked AND he had access to email while at VCT AND checked his email in time to get my note!!!!

Hello,
I'd be happy to get some pics and vids for you. I will definately have some time to get those. I'll send you an email link to the photos as soon as I get them uploaded.
Steve

And again, I waited with bated breath and prayers. With what Dean had said, I was trying hard to not get my heart set on them until I actually received something. I knew it was going to be totally up to God :)
This is a note from me:

Hello Steve,

Honestly, I was tempted to address this to "my hero" :) I saw some pictures on Facebook of you taking pictures of our Hanna. I simply cannot thank you enough. You have given this Mama her very best Christmas present. I will confess I am super jealous of that precious kiss- I live vicariously through you every time I look at it :) Steve, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

This was his response:

Hi Charisa,

It was no problem. I was happy to do it. The only person it may have been a slight inconvenience for was the Foster Mother because she had to make a special trip into VCT in order to get the photos. But she also said it was no problem.

I'll give the photos to Mary Reynolds at Holt first, in order to follow our protocol. Unfortunately, you'll have to wait a bit longer.

Happy holidays!

Steve

Who Are You?

2010-12-15T13:25:00.004-06:00

Just this morning, I had been feeling a little discouraged as to how little I have of our Hannah- one short video and a precious few pictures. My thoughts were running similarly to "Oh I am the unluckiest person in the whole world!" Anyway, the children and I have been listening to Focus on the Family's radio drama series for Narnia. We were running errands this morning and so we were naturally listening to another segment. We are on The Horse and His Boy. Today's segment had a portion that literally took my breath away. I thought I would share:

"Who are you?" he (Shasta) said, scarcely above a whisper.

"One who has waited long for you to speak," said the Thing. Its voice was not loud, but very large and deep.

"Are you a giant?" asked Shasta.

"You might call me a giant, said the Large Voice. "But I am not like the creatures you call giants."

"I can't see you at all, "said Shasta, after staring very hard. Then (for an even more terrible idea had come into his head) he said, almost in a scream, "You're not- not something dead, are you? Oh please- please do go away. What harm have I ever done you? Oh I am the unluckiest person in the whole world!"

Once more he felt the warm breath of the Thing on his hand and face. "There," it said, "that is not the breath of a ghost. Tell me your sorrows."

Shasta was a little reassured by the breath: so he told how he had never known his real father or mother and had been brought up sternly by the fisherman. And then he told the story of his escape and how they were chased by lions and forced to swim for their lives; and of all their dangers in Tashbaan and about his night among the tombs and how the beasts howled at him out of the desert. And he told about the heat and thirst of their desert journey and how they were almost at their goal when another lion chased them and wounded Aravis. And also, how very long it was since he had had anything to eat.

"I do not call you unfortunate," said the Large Voice.

"Don't you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?" asked Shasta.

"There was only one lion," said the Voice.

"What on earth do you mean? I've just told you there were at least two the first night, and-"

"There was only one: but he was swift of foot."

"How do you know?"

"I was the lion." And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay (as a newborn baby), a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."

"Then it was you who wounded Aravis?"

"It was I."

"But what for?"

"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."

"Who are you?" asked Shasta.

"Myself," said the Voice, very deep and low so that the earth shook: and again "Myself," loud and clear and gay: and then the third time "Myself," whispered so softly you could hardly hear it, and yet it seemed to come from all round you as if the leaves rustled with it.

~~~~ So, while this may not be the path I would have chosen, and this may not be the path Hannah would have chosen, we are all being directed, comforted, etc by "I AM." And I know it will end up being a more magnificent and beautiful story than I could have ever conceived.

Further Explanation of the Remaining Process

2010-12-08T13:46:00.004-06:00

Our Sunshine is 19 months old now. All of our paperwork arrived in India on 11/2/10. However, a few more hoops have to be jumped through before the Indian court process can be started. We received our I800 approval from USCIS on Dec. 2nd. We turned in our DS230 to Holt today. Holt will then add their cover letter and email the whole thing to VCT. VCT will print the documents, add visa photos of Hannah and courier the packet to the US Consulate in Delhi. The Consulate will then review our file and issue the Article 5 Notice. It has been taking the Consulate 4-6 weeks to issue the Article 5 Notice after receiving the I-800 Provisional Approval and DS230 forms. We are praying they move especially quickly at this step so we can get our Article 5 before they shut down for the Christmas holiday.

Once the Consulate gives their approval and issues the Article 5 Notice, it will be sent to CARA (one of India's government departments- Central Adoption Resources Agency). CARA will review our case and issue their NOC (No Objection Certificate) after receiving the Article 5 Notice. It usually takes CARA 4-6 weeks to issue the NOC. When received, VCT will be able to have our case filed in the Bangalore Family Court. There will be a series of court cases (usually about 4 once a month, I believe) and then we will travel to pick up our Sunshine!

***Update***

From our caseworker at Holt:
I received your DS230 forms, thanks. I’ve added my own cover letter with a copy of your I-800 Provisional Approval and emailed everything to VCT.

I800 Approval!!!

2010-12-07T08:00:00.003-06:00

We were just notified last night that on Dec. 2nd, we received our I800 approval from USCIS! I excitedly picked up the phone and called Holt to find out what exactly was next (and honestly, to make sure they were hopping on our paperwork :). Well, now I need to fill out another government form- I think it is the DS230. VCT (the care center Hannah is associated with) will produce a form and then everything will go to the US Embassy in India. Typically, it takes the Embassy about a month to process the packet but they will be shutting down for Christmas. Dean (our Holt caseworker) said to pray it all goes super quickly so the Embassy will turn everything in to CARA before Christmas. Getting everything turned in to CARA will start Hannah's court proceedings. With the Embassy probably taking a month or longer, being together in May for Hannah's birthday is looking less likely. But if God wills it, I know it can happen. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for praying along with us.

Reason for the Season

2010-12-03T13:15:00.004-06:00

For those family and friends that don't live near us, you may remember our children talking last year of a little boy named Dax. We decorated our house with Christmas lights earlier than normal to help make sure little Dax had a chance to experience Christmas. You see he had luekemia and his family wasn't sure he would live long enough to see December 25th. God was very gracious and granted the Locke family their wish. Matthew West has just released a song describing their experience. While on the way to the children's museum this morning, I turned on the radio and caught the last maybe 30 seconds of an interview with Dax's mother. My own little boy spoke up from the back of the van asking, "Is Dax's mommy sad?" I couldn't help but start crying as I tried to explain that his mommy misses him. Then my sweet Corban reminded me, "But, Mommy, she is going to see him again. They'll get to be together again in heaven!" And with those few words, do you know what? My son instantly reshaped my attitude this Christmas. Instead of my head being filled with crazy schedules, last minute shopping burdens, commitments, and food preparation plans...it all faded and quieted down in the light of THE amazing gift that was given 2000 years ago and what we are truly celebrating.

Thank you, God, for the gift of Jesus, His sacrifice on the cross for us, and the future we can look forward to in You.

Gift from Sarah

2010-11-30T19:00:00.005-06:00

A very exciting gift came in the mail today! See? It was even wrapped so prettily :) Curious what it is?

This is what was inside. Sooooo exciting!!!!

I was so excited we had to try it on right away.

THANK YOU, BABY SISTER!

Hannah, I have my kangaroo pouch for you now :)

Doll For Hannah

2010-11-11T15:30:00.003-06:00

Introducing a doll version of Hannah! A precious friend gave her to me yesterday and I just haven't been able to take my eyes off her. She looks just like Hannah- even down to the same haircut! I know this is silly, but I keep walking over and giving this little doll hugs. I guess I'm hoping she'll store them all up and be a big comfort to my little Sunshine when she receives her. She'll make the trip to India with us. Just had to share this sweet blessing with you :)

More USCIS Forms

2010-11-02T10:22:00.004-05:00

Below is a portion of a note I received from Holt that explains what I will be working on this week and next:

The next step is for you to complete the I-800. This includes the I-800, I-864 and I-864a forms and supporting documents. You should download those forms from the USCIS website; you need all 3 as well as the I864P (Poverty Guideline Chart). I’ve attached our I-800 instructions. Use them in conjunction with the USCIS instructions. There is also information in the online India Guidebook.

Go ahead and fill out the I-800, I-864 and I-864a forms and email or fax them to me for review. I will send you the Article 16 Report as soon as I receive the training certificate from CFS. This “report” is actually several documents that need to be sent to USCIS with the I-800.

I800 Sup, 3 & POA Apostille!!!

2010-11-01T08:39:00.004-05:00

They are here!!!! Philip went to the mailbox this morning to mail our absentee ballots and discovered we forgot to get the mail Saturday. Hard to believe since I have been stalking the mail lady this past week. Anyway, he brought in the mail today and we hit the jackpot in one day!!! We received both our approval from Immigration to adopt from India AND our apostille from Springfield for our Power of Attorney form for VCT and Holt for while we are in India. To top it off, we finished creating our Family Video last night. Sooooo, this means we will be making a trek to the Post Office today to overnight these last items to Holt. Holt will acquire the apostilles we need from the State of Oregon this week. Holt will send everything to VCT on Friday and VCT should receive everything on Tuesday. That's HUGE!!! Everything will be in India on Tuesday!!!! Please continue to pray with us that the judge will move quickly on our Sunshine's case so we can celebrate her birthday together at the start of May. Thank you!!!!

The Color Orange

2010-10-23T20:16:00.009-05:00

I got home tonight from a very long, very full day and took a blistering hot shower to try and melt away my stress. I left the house today around 12:30PM and have been running all over kingdom come and didn't get home until just a little bit ago- 7:30PM. Sierra went to two different parties today. On the way home, I just needed peace and quiet. Sierra wanted to listen to Adventures in Odyssey. I compromised and put in soft music. She complained several times it wasn't loud enough. All the while, I kept thinking "Why aren't you exhausted and stressed out by now too?!"

While in the shower, I spent time thinking about this little girl that, although I birthed her, is just so radically different from me. Socializing exhausts me. Socializing gets Sierra's adrenaline going and she feeds off it. She has no fear of riding galloping horses by herself. She loves any craft you put in front of her. She loves gymnastics. She loves choir and performing anything in front of anybody. She loves all animals- even bugs. She loves princess dresses and mud puddles. She never walks, but runs constantly. The list could go on and on and on. From very young, Sierra has LOVED the color orange. I HATE the color orange. Recently, I did a search to find what psychologists say regarding the color orange. One site said:

The most flamboyant color on the planet! It's the color tied most this fun times, happy and energetic days, warmth and organic products. It is also associated with ambition. There is nothing even remotely calm associated with this color. Orange is associated with a new dawn in attitude.

Yet another put it this way:

Orange combines the energy of red and the happiness of yellow. From the softest peach and coral tints, to deep siennas and tawny umbers, orange is always friendly and welcoming. Orange lusts for life and its laughter is full-bodied. It is associated with joy, sunshine, the tropics, celebration, comfort, and enjoyment of the senses. It entices us with dancing flames of fire, flamboyant autumn leaves, shimmering goldfish. A laughing color…which stimulates appetite for the good things in life as well as a desire for abundance. Orange is the best emotional stimulant. Increases self-esteem and confidence and strengthens a sense of identity. Orange is the color of creativity, ambition and drive... stimulates creative thinking and enthusiasm, the willingness to embrace new ideas with enjoyment and a sense of exploration and creative play.

I also discovered orange is the contrast color of blue- my favorite color. And as I stood in that shower thinking about my baby girl, I thought about the pillow case we had made together just yesterday. We had gone to the store and she had been allowed to pick the fabric. This is what she chose:

I actually kind of like it. It is loud. It isn't at all what I would have picked. But after six years of her insisting on wearing and having orange things, I guess I am kind of getting a little used to it...and maybe even learning to see the pretty side of orange. And while I am still an introvert, and she will probably forever be an extrovert, I think she might slowly be having some success in teaching me about loving life as much as she does. I love everything about you, Sierra Girl. God has given you an AMAZING personality and outlook on life. I hope I can continue to learn from you.

Sierra's Homework

2010-10-13T09:35:00.002-05:00

Sierra is learning about pronouns. Her assignment was to write 5 sentences about a classmate using pronouns. I asked if she would like to write them about Hannah. She excitedly agreed. This is what she turned in:

1. You can play with me.
2. You can ride bikes with us.
3. We love you.
4. I hope you like it there.
5. You are cute.

These made me smile and I thought I'd share :)

Family Album

2010-10-12T09:15:00.006-05:00

HUGE thank you to Tate and Ruth Westbrook for allowing me to stay at their house until 12:30AM and helping me create the Family Album that will be sent to Indian officials and ultimately shown and read to our little Sunshine!!!!

Paperwork Sent

2010-10-09T16:20:00.002-05:00

Friday (yesterday) was a very busy day. It took a while to make 2 copies of all the documents. Then I came home to feed the kids lunch and put them down for their naps. Sierra had been out late the night before and was tired. Helga, a neighbor down the street, stayed at our house so I could run back out. I went downtown to Family Core to pick up an additional notarized homestudy, and then went to the Post Office and mailed everything off. One form went to Springfield to be apostilled. One packet went to Dallas to USCIS. And a box went to Oregon to Holt.

I expected to be jubilant and hugely relieved to hand it all off to the man behind the counter. Instead, I was suddenly gripped with fear and dread and I felt sick. I couldn't take my hands off my packaged pile. It seemed every piece of paper was a piece of Hannah and I was entrusting her to a complete stranger. I looked at him and said, "This is a huge chunk of my life. I just need for you to know that." I literally had to talk myself home. I reminded myself they were just papers and this was necessary to get me closer to our real live breathing Hannah. And as I made myself drive away, I dealt with my nausea by reminding myself that God loves Hannah even more than I possibly can. He is controlling things- not the USPS. He can protect my paperwork. You probably think I'm weird, but I'm thankful my God understands me.

On another note, we went to Family Core's picnic today for their adoptive families. At the picnic this past spring, there was an adoptive father that specifically asked how he could be praying for our adoption. I told him my Christmas wish was for a referral. I was hoping he would be at the picnic today to share our news of Hannah. He was and do you know that this man, who doesn't even really know us, has been praying for our adoption two or three times every day?! Today, he had his whole family with him, and his wife was eager to meet us since she's heard about us and had been praying. I was glad I'd brought pictures of Hannah to show them. They said the pictures would help since they can now be specifically praying for our little girl and a speedy court process. The body of Christ is a beautiful thing! The bond and closeness Believers feel defies reason. The Holy Spirit is a gift I all too often take for granted.

DCFS Approval- Again!!!!

2010-10-07T14:35:00.006-05:00

Last night after we got home from Awana and I rushed through getting the kids in bed, I was working on the computer and came across pictures of the kids when they were younger and was again struck with just how quickly I've lost my babies. They are growing fast enough to break this mama's heart. Then and there I decided today would be spent having fun together and loving on my kids. Philip and I swore when we started this adoption journey that we would not allow ourselves to focus so much on the adoption that we robbed ourselves of our time with the children God has already gifted us with. But in the last few weeks, that is what I've allowed to happen.
So, today has been an absolutely wonderful day! It was a morning filled with crafts and imaginative play and lots of hugs and "I love you's." Sierra has headed off to choir with the Carbaughs and I have been working on our family pictures. We have to create a scrapbook and video for Hannah. In order to even start that, I need to organize this year's pictures so I can even find what I need. But then the phone rang and now I have wonderful news to share with you!

It was Heather, our homestudy caseworker with FamilyCore, that called! She just told me that Mary with DCFS in Springfield just re-approved our homestudy!!!! Trying to silently celebrate over here because I have both my boys and two of the Carbaugh girls taking naps. So, yes, I silently danced in my kitchen :)

My mother in law was planning to watch Sierra and Corban for me tomorrow morning while Ian and I ran to the KCC sale to try to find a coat for Sierra. Well, now I will be spending the morning making copies and overnighting all of our paperwork to Holt. I will also overnight the completed homestudy and I800- Supplement 3 to USCIS (Immigration). And, I will send a Power Of Attorney form to the Secretary of State's office to be apostilled. Thankful to a friend that has loaned us a coat for Sierra until I can find one. And today's gorgeous weather still makes winter feel like its a ways off :) The coat can wait and I will be soooooooooo ecstatic to mail all of that to keep us moving toward our Hannah!

Paperwork...

2010-10-04T15:58:00.004-05:00

The reason for all the paperwork is sooooo worth it!

Vathsalya Charitable Trust

2010-09-28T13:55:00.002-05:00

Hannah is with a foster family in Bangalore. They are associated with the Vathsalya Charitable Trust (VCT)- a Holt run childcare center. This is VCT and where we will pick up Hannah:

Homestudy Headed to Springfield!

2010-09-28T08:16:00.002-05:00

Hello Everyone!

As you know, we've been frantically trying to complete all of our paperwork in order to bring Hannah home as soon as possible. The homestudy was completed last night and will be sent to Mary in Springfield for DCFS' approval (we are the only state that requires this step). Upon Mary's approval, then it will go to USCIS (Immigration) with our I800A- Supplement 3 form to officially change our country and request Hannah.

While we wait on Mary, all I have left to get done is a Property Statement created by a realtor and get a whole stack of completed forms notarized in order to complete our dossier! I will then need to trek down to Springfield to have the whole thing apostilled. Once I get USCIS' approval, the entire dossier can go to India.

I have also learned that on top of a dossier, India also requires a whole packet of materials called an "Assignment Packet" after they give you a referral. Of course, there is usually a space of several months time between when you submit your dossier and when you get your referral when you can be working on the Assignment Packet. However, we found out Thursday that since we're already matched with Hannah, that packet must be completed within 2 weeks! So, I have been working to complete these forms as well. Thankfully, they have given me an extension for the video and scrapbook I must create :)

For now, we are celebrating the homestudy submission to Mary :) Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement. They have been treasured!

We've looked into our Daughter's Eyes

2010-09-05T09:15:00.011-05:00

Hello Everyone!
I know this post is SUPER late, but things happened so fast, I just couldn't get to the blog. So here is our story for the last month:

Wednesday, August 4th: The kids and I went to the park with my friend Emily and her boys and then came home in time to put the kids down for naps. After I put the kids down, I fixed myself a lunch and got on the computer to check email. I had no idea I was entering a life-changing moment :) I had a very short note from Holt's waiting child program director. She was asking if we would by any chance be interested in a little girl in India. India?! Yep, India :) She very briefly outlined some very concerning medical needs. I called Philip and asked what he thought. We decided we couldn't really know what to do without requesting to view her medical paperwork, which we did. They sent everything that day that they had, but it was all old. But what we saw was very promising. In fact the things most concerning (heart defects) were already healed! We requested updated medicals. And then waited with bated breath.

Tuesday, August 17- The kids and I went to Fondulac Farm Park with Ruth and her girls, came home, and got the email with all of our baby girl's updated medical paperwork.

Wednesday, August 18th- We sent all her medical paperwork and video to the University of Minnesota's International Adoption Clinic for evaluation. They asked for certain information from India.

Monday, August 23rd- Received answers from India and forwarded them on to U of M. At 10PM (the adoption clinic is amazing!), they requested more information from India. However, we did not receive that until the next morning on the 24th. So, Philip and I had the evening to talk together after I got home from Biblestudy. He was feeling very confident we needed to proceed with this little girl despite the unknowns regarding her health. I told him I felt a very strong command when I read the note from India with their last answers, "Done. Now go get her." We talked about how we felt the Lord's leading over the last few weeks and how He had been speaking to our hearts. The day (August 4) Holt "introduced" us to this precious girl, I was outside on our deck talking to my friend Ruth and telling her about this little Indian Girl. I looked up in the sky and there was a brilliant rainbow across the sky with perfect weather. I started crying and saying, "There's a rainbow, Ruth!" I'll never forget hearing her say, "God's promises, Girlie. God's promises!" Then later, I was talking with Philip one evening before falling asleep and telling him I'd decided I for sure wanted to change her name if we bring her home. He quietly listened but didn't say much. The next day (August 17th) is when we got her latest medical info and it took me to my knees crying. Our little girl had been diagnosed with microcephaly and her head circumference measurements put her in the 50% for significant mental retardation. But I didn't feel like the question was whether we would keep her. I more felt devastated to find out my child had been diagnosed with microcephaly. I told Philip that was when I knew she would remain and always be "Hannah." Our little girl may have to really struggle hard in life. There is no better reminder of God's love and faithfullness to her on a daily basis than the name Hannah.

Tuesday, August 24th- We decided to forego asking India any more questions and formally request Hannah to be ours. I filled out a lengthy questionairre, went through an interview with the waiting child director, and then was told Holt was officially granting us her file! Oh happy day!!! That poor director had to listen on the phone as I did a celebratory dance and shouting as it started sinking in- she was ours!!! She laughed and seemed just as excited for us :)

What now you ask? Well, I have to throw together a whole new dossier for India. I am determined to get it done in record time and have gotten a good start on compiling it so far! That should explain the new family pictures you've been seeing on Facebook :) On Tuesday, all five of us will get our physical exams done to prove we are healthy. On Thursday, we will have our new caseworker from Family Core (previously known as Counseling and Family Services) do a homevisit so she can update our homestudy. Once she gets that all rewritten, we can send it and the I800A- Supplement 3 in to USCIS (Immigration) to change our country. After we get their approval and get the whole dossier apostilled in Springfield, we can send it to India. Then it will take between 4 and 9 months (depending on which judge gets assigned her case) for India to approve. Then we will fly to India and bring her home!!!

Thank you to all who have helped get us to this point. The words seem so small next to the sentiment behind them. Prayer Warriors, you are treasured. Please continue to lift us up and our little Hannah too to help bring her home quickly and that she remain safe and healthy in the meantime. Thank you, everyone! And we look forward to when we can introduce her to you in person!

Shoes So Far!!!

2010-07-31T09:50:00.006-05:00

Sierra celebrated turning six this week! We are so thankful to have the priviledge to say this sweet and amazing little girl is our daughter. God has richly blessed us. Sierra asked if, in lieu of gifts, friends could please bring shoes to help with our Hungarian orphanage shoe drive. She has heard the story of a little Bulgarian girl that slept with new shoes she had been given because she was so excited. She wanted more children to have such an experience. So, drumroll please!!!!
These wonderful guests collected 27 pairs of shoes!!!

Combined with other shoes that have been given, that brings the total to 36 pairs of shoes and $21 for shipping!!!! In the words of Corban, "That's a lot!"

THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY!!! If anyone would still like to give towards the shoe drive, we will be accepting donations until August 15th.

Fundraiser THANK YOU

2010-05-09T19:56:00.009-05:00

To all who came and shopped, to all who baked, to all who prayed for us, to all who helped set up or tore down, to all who helped man the sale, to all who brought items to sell, to all who donated money, to Bethany Community Church, and to Camp Good News,

THANK YOU!!!

$4,000 were raised and deposited in the adoption fund at Bethany Community for our family and the McClellands. So, of course, that means we each received $2,000.
FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS, THANK YOU.

Our vendors have graciously agreed to leave open online shows for us for a week to continue helping raise money for our adoptions. They are being extremely generous in their donations. Please visit these lovely ladies' websites:

Usborn Books- www.CarriesBooksForKids.com
Pampered Chef- www.pamperedchef.biz/joy2cook
Tupperware- www.my.tupperware.com/jeribaldovin
Maggie's Marvelous Hair Bows- www.maggiesmarvelloushairbows.blogspot.com
and last but not least, Scentsy- www.Missionscents.scentsy.us

THANK YOU!!!

(This is the gentleman from WEEK News that filmed Kris McClelland. That story can be found at http://www.centralillinoisnewscenter.com/news/local/93157074.html)

AWANA Story

2010-05-06T21:23:00.002-05:00

From Lisa Howard, an AWANA teacher:
I did a lesson with the sparks at AWANA a couple weeks ago about the widows mite. Each child got 2-4 pennies before the lesson. After the lesson each child was asked to donate at least 2 pennies back to the penny jar to go to your fundraiser. They were also encouraged to give all they had if they had more. Most of the children willingly gave their pennies back. I told them I would donate that money to your garage sale and triple it. They were so excited and proud at what they had done. At the end, one of the little boys walked over to me and handed me a dollar to add to our collection because he wanted to help bring your new child home.

Day 1 of Donations

2010-05-06T19:00:00.002-05:00

WOW! WOW! WOW! Well, I had no idea what to expect for today. But I must say that today has left me SHOCKED. Our building is bulging full. One line from a song kept running through my head, "Showers of Blessings..." I came home and looked up the rest of the hymn and had to shake my head at how relevant this song is for us this week. THANK YOU to all those who have donated and worked. We are overwhelmed with your support and love.

“There Shall be Showers of Blessing”

There shall be showers of blessing:
This is the promise of love;
There shall be seasons refreshing,
Sent from the Savior above.

Refrain

Showers of blessing,
Showers of blessing we need:
Mercy drops round us are falling,
But for the showers we plead.

There shall be showers of blessing,
Precious reviving again;
Over the hills and the valleys,
Sound of abundance of rain.

Refrain

There shall be showers of blessing;
Send them upon us, O Lord;
Grant to us now a refreshing,
Come, and now honor Thy Word.

Refrain

There shall be showers of blessing:
Oh, that today they might fall,
Now as to God we’re confessing,
Now as on Jesus we call!

Refrain

There shall be showers of blessing,
If we but trust and obey;
There shall be seasons refreshing,
If we let God have His way.

Refrain

Calling All Home-Based Businesses!!!

2010-04-05T14:02:00.006-05:00

You are invited to join us as a vendor at our adoption fundraiser. Space is available on a first come first serve basis. If interested, please contact me. I would be happy to talk with you!

*Update* These wonderful vendors will be at the fundraiser and are being very generous towards our adoptions. Please be sure to check out their websites and visit them Friday, May 7th from 2-5PM or Saturday, May 8th from 8AM-4PM!

Usborne Books- Carrie Seggelke- www.CarriesBooksForKids.com

Pampered Chef- Joy Martin- http://www.pamperedchef.biz/joy2cook
Tupperware- Jeri Baldovin- my.tupperware.com/jeribaldovin
Maggie's Marvelous Hair Bows- Marie Lindahl- http://maggiesmarvelloushairbows.blogspot.com/
Scentsy Wickless Candles- Beth Moore Jones- www.Missionscents.scentsy.us and click under Adoption Fundraiser

Fundraiser Garage Sale

2010-03-31T20:37:00.002-05:00

Our Adoption Fundraiser is getting closer!!! I thought I would share some pictures with you. Here is the street sign at the corner:
The address is 27265 Dutch LN, Washington, IL 61571

Here is the church sign. Since we are a new church plant, we don't actually have our church built yet. We have land, the large shed, and a farmhouse. The farmhouse houses the church offices. The church currently meets at Five Point Community Center in Washington.

And here is the LARGE shed that will be where we have our fundraiser RAIN OR SHINE on May 8th! So many details are coming together in a way that is showing clearly God's hand on this sale. I have said from the very beginning, "This is God's sale. Our adoption has been by God's leading. If He chooses to help us raise funds for our adoption through this sale, then to God be the glory! But, if not, we are confident He'll provide in other ways." It is thrilling to see His hand at work!

Bittersweet Decision

2010-02-15T12:39:00.002-06:00

We notified our attorney we are no longer available for a domestic adoption. We must have a year between a domestic adoption and the placement of our Bulgarian girl. We think we are within that time now. So, while it is hard to know we will not be setting up a crib for quite a while now, if ever, we are excited thinking our time is drawing near to FINALLY meeting and holding that little Bulgarian girl that has existed in our dreams and prayers for so long now.

Our New Song

2010-02-06T08:12:00.003-06:00

Recently, this song has been ministering to our hearts. Such an encouragement!

He lowers us to raise us
So we can sing His praises
Whatever is His way all is well

He makes us rich and poor
That we might trust Him more
Whatever is His way all is well

All my changes come from Him He who never changes
I'm held firm in the grasp of the Rock of all the ages

All is well with my soul
He is God in control
I know not all His plans
But I know I'm in His hands

He clothes us now then strips us
Yet with His Word equips us
Whatever is His way all is well
And though our seasons change
We still exalt His name
Whatever is His way all is well

Update from Holt

2010-02-03T20:13:00.002-06:00

From Holt:

Vesta recently informed Holt there will be a conference organized by Vesta, other accredited agencies and the MOJ at the end of February. The topic of the conference will be the registration of children in adoption registries. Vesta has said they hope the MOJ will have and present the statistics for the number of registered families in 2006, 2007, 2008, and 2009 at this conference and then be able to share those with Holt.

We are anxiously awaiting this report because that will give us a better idea of when we need to close the door on our domestic adoption option. We do think the time is getting close. It is hard to decide when to actually pick up the phone and tell the attorney to stop looking for us. The day we make that call will be bittersweet. We know we won't be welcoming home a newborn again soon, if ever. But we would be anticipating our little Bulgarian girl coming home to us. God has a perfect plan for our family and it is very comforting to know He is in control as opposed to being completely at the whim of politicians and time clocks.

2010- Rise Up With Wings As Eagles

2010-01-05T19:16:00.002-06:00

While in Texas over Christmas, we received news we've been very anxious to hear. At least one healthy young child was referred to the U.S. from Bulgaria. I'm still waiting official word, but I believe there was actually more than one. That is HUGE news! That means that the line that we have been in since this past June is actually starting to move. And I also believe the families that received their referrals had been waiting nearly 18 months to the day. With this in mind, it makes me think that maybe by the end of this year, we will be meeting our daughter. Do you have goosebumps after reading that? I do! Anyway, so I expect 2010 to be a year of just waiting.

I know myself. While I am super excited with this new development, next week I foresee myself in tears at how long this year could drag out with the wait. God reminded me of my study by Beth Moore of Esther and one particular lesson about waiting. I will be meditating on it many times this year and thought I would share it with you as well.

The study is taken from Esther 5:1-8. She teaches on the importance of knowing when it is time; when it is time to wait; when it is time to wait for someone else's time; and when the meantime is God's time. It was this last point that really struck me. During this long "meantime," God is at work. Something IS happening. More importantly, my strength will deplete if I wait on this adoption. Have you ever experienced just how exhausting waiting can be? On a medical test result? News from a family member? The list goes on and on. Emotional turmoil during the wait completely drains us. However, God will make the complete opposite to happen. He will renew my strength IF I wait upon the LORD. He promises us this in Isaiah 40:28-31:

²⁸Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired
His understanding is inscrutable.
²⁹He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
³⁰Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
³¹Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

"We are not the fragile flowers we've considered ourselves to be. We, like Esther, are the warrior princesses of God." ~ Beth Moore

Part 2- How You Can Help

2010-01-05T11:38:00.002-06:00

Yes, there is a Part 2! Some of you may be thinking, "I would love to help, but live too far away to help with a garage sale." Well if so, our church has graciously decided to set up a matching grant for us up to $3000 to help fund our adoption. If you would like to financially help us bring our little Bulgarian girl home, please make your check out to "Bethany Community Church" and put "Ausfahl Adoption" in the memo line. This will be a tax deductible donation and will be matched by our church up to $3,000. Please mail your check to the following address:

Bethany Community Church
27265 Dutch Lane
Washington, IL 61571

Please allow us to thank you ahead of time if you choose to support us in this way. We are extremely thankful for every way friends and family have chosen to help us, whether by helping run the garage sale, baking goods for us to sell, by praying for us, and/or by giving financially. We are truly blessed.

Finally! How You Can Help

2010-01-04T09:29:00.002-06:00

Hello Everyone!
I know I've held many of you in suspense for a while now with the promise of some big news coming for how you can help us with our adoption. Well I can finally reveal our news! I know this is really early, but we have a fundraiser coming up in May! Bethany Community Church has graciously agreed to allow me to use their large metal building to hold a garage sale on May 8th. My hope is that the Bethany Fellowship members would be willing to let me sell their cast-off items with the proceeds going to our adoption expenses. Also, if anyone would be willing to donate any crafts or baked goods for the sale, that would be a huge blessing as well. All items need to be priced and can be dropped off on Thursday, May 6th or Friday, May 7th. Another big need I will have is for helpers. Would you consider helping me set up on Thursday or Friday or helping me run the sale on Saturday? And as you go through your home replacing older things with your new Christmas gifts or start your spring cleaning in the near future, can you keep this sale in mind? THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ANY HELP YOU CAN PROVIDE!!!!

Update on our Bulgarian Adoption

2009-12-17T07:56:00.002-06:00

There is a mom that was in Bulgaria this week picking up her 7 year old son that has a special need. She has good friends thinking of adopting a young and healthy child from Bulgaria. So, she met with people there asking the hard questions and trying to get an accurate picture of adoption for her friends. What she found is very disturbing for many of us. Instead of re-posting all she said, let me just direct you to someone else's blog who has already done all the work :) http://havenadoption.blogspot.com/

Now I will say that Holt is meeting this morning to go over this new development. They are going to be asking some hard questions of our in-country agency Vesta. We aren't sure yet, though, how long it will take to get those answers because the staff at Vesta are spending the next few weeks touring the country's orphanages. We are thinking we are in an okay situation because "young" is defined as 0-2 years. We are asking for a girl up to age 4 years. We are also open to minor medical issues. So we are not in panic mode. We are waiting and seeing.

Domestic Update

2009-12-15T15:41:00.002-06:00

I just received word that we were not chosen by this latest domestic birthmother. It was a woman from Kentucky due with a baby girl in February. Please keep this mother and baby in your prayers.

I'm giddy :)

2009-12-03T16:29:00.001-06:00

Exciting things are coming your way!!!! Keep checking back for some fun ways to get involved in our adoption journey!

Another Possibility

2009-12-03T12:49:00.002-06:00

There is a birthmother in another state viewing our profile today. She is due with a baby girl in February. This time, I am completely calm and peaceful. If it is meant to be, it will happen. If not, I'm really okay. This adoption journey has given me the opportunity to learn in deeper depths the different aspects of my God. I am getting to know Him as the Prince of Peace. It isn't just a nice title. He truly is and He is residing in my home today. I am in awe of all He gives that I do not deserve and can not hope to earn.

A Child's Worth

2009-11-17T18:37:00.002-06:00

The Lord has been talking with me and leading me through a concept. This may be basic and elementary for most of you. But I will share it anyway.

Think through a hypothetical situation with me: There is a child in the foster care system who is expected to become adoptable (parental rights will be severed) in the "near" future. Will we take this child?

As I thought through all the questions that would need to be answered, I felt God drop a question right into the middle that stopped all my swirling thoughts. Is the child worth it?

I had to physically stop what I was doing and just roll that question around in my head for a minute. I realized all the other questions that has been buzzing through were all very selfish questions~ how much would our life be inconvenienced? How many court visits would be required? How many times would we have to deal with visits? Would we have to deal with emotional upheavals that would probably come with each visit? How much would we have to "undo" or "re-teach" with this child? Again, I felt this very urgent question, "AM I WORTH IT???"

Now I understand that every family has to answer the question for each adoption question, "Can we realistically take on this situation?" But let's face it. Most of the time, the issues come down to the question, "Is this child worth the sacrifice, etc.?"

Then, I could hear His lesson for taking me through this hypothetical excercise. Every child in every adoption situation needs to hear loud and clear, "YOU ARE WORTH IT." No matter what they have been told and what has been demonstrated to them in the past, they need to hear from their adoptive family that every bit of the adoption journey to them has been well worth it because they are special and loved by God. THEY HAVE VALUE AND ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR. They can never hear grumbling or complaining about costs, time expended, or inconveniences. They will notice any sigh or bad attitude regarding what it is taking from me to fight for them. And that will communicate the world to them. How much "worth" are you willing to assign a child that is looking for a family to love them unconditionally?

Orphan Sunday Wake Up Call

2009-11-09T07:58:00.002-06:00

Good morning, All,

As an update, there have been several situations since the last post where we have been notified of women looking to find homes for their unborn babies. We have not been selected for any of them.

Yesterday was Orphan Sunday. At first, I felt angry because I was thinking, "God! We are a family trying to adopt and care for the orphans, and You haven't brought/allowed any into our home!"

Our pastor has been going through the book of Ephesians. Orphan Sunday landed on the day when we arrived at Ephesians 6:17-20: Take the helmet of Salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the Gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

Pastor Daniel spoke on the absolute necessity for prayer in a Christian's life- passionate prayers. Not the "As I lay me down to sleep..." prayers. He also talked about the spiritual warfare we are engaged in. You can hear his sermon here: http://www.bethanycommunitychurch.org/resources/
I highly recommend taking a few minutes to listen. It was a powerful sermon.

As I sat there listening (and enjoying a friend's precious newborn baby), God started asking me questions. "Charisa, when was the last time you prayed passionately for yourself? When was the last time you came to me like the precious widow pleading for your child?" On it went as I had to honestly admit that my answers were falling far short. He led me to see that in my frustration, I had taken an attitude that basically said, "I'm done being emotionally invested in this. I give up on this being a "team endeavor." You are obviously going to do whatever your plan is, regardless of my desires. So, I'll be off doing my own thing over here and whenever you decide to actually engage in bringing us a child, you know where to find me."

Horrible. Yes, God is sovereign. Yes, He knows what is best and my desires probably fall far short of what He has in mind. Does that give me a pass to disconnect? No. And He showed me that I was becoming an angry person on my own apart from Him. "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests." So, I am ending this to go spend some more time in prayer. Will you join me?

Orphan Sunday

2009-11-08T19:57:00.002-06:00

In honor of orphan Sunday, please view the following video:

Disappointment

2009-09-20T19:10:00.003-05:00

There was a mother induced this past Wednesday who had expressed interest in finding a family for her child. We were told we were the only family that stepped forward. To make a long story short, we knew the odds of sharing in this blessing was very low, but I was hoping. It is now Sunday, the required 72 hour wait has been and gone, and there was no call. Your will, Lord. I ask for Your will for our family. And I pray a special blessing on that precious life. Please be with that mother. Amen.

Entering Domestic Program

2009-09-03T08:40:00.002-05:00

Hello All,
Holt came back with answers from Vesta regarding whether we can pursue a domestic adoption while we wait for our Bulgarian adoption to come through. The short answer is that yes, we can adopt within the US without forfeiting our Bulgarian adoption. Yippee!!! So our family profile that we will show expectant mothers is heading to the printer today. I will put it on file at various places. And we'll see if God chooses to bring a newborn into our home. Because Holt requires a year between placements, we would have to be chosen pretty soon. In other words, this will have to be a complete "God-thing." I am doing my best to not wear my heart on my sleeve- but its still very vulnerable. Philip said last night that he is excited too. Any and all prayers we can garner on our behalf are greatly appreciated, desired, desperately needed.

Where are we in line?

2009-08-26T12:34:00.005-05:00

Information I found explaining how families move up in line for Bulgarian referrals compliments of Tree of Life:
"The order of registration is not the only condition that determines when you will receive a referral. The parameters of the child you have requested will affect the time: each matching meeting attempts to refer children to families from each country that has registered families along with pulling from all groups of children. There will be primarily a portion of families considered who are requesting healthy children: within that group their will be typically more referrals for boys than girls as there are more boys waiting. There will be a portion of families matched who are open to an older child (typically age 7 and above), some that are open to sibling groups and some that are open to children with identified needs. The needs of the children are to be considered first and primary so the number of parents ahead of you will not be the only measure used to determine 'when' for your family."

To view Bulgaria's Ministry of Justice's website, go to google.translate.com and enter this address:
http://www.justice.government.bg/new/Pages/Adoptions/Default.aspx
Our registration number is 16-00-311.

Now, I have several questions for those Bulgarian pros out there. If you have the answer, PLEASE please help me understand!

1. How do you get updated information from Vesta regarding the dossiers registered? I've seen reports ordered by country and how many each country has registered.

2. I am trying to figure out how to gauge where I am in line using the MOJ site. I understand I can't tell simply by my number because they pull families based on several factors. But, I would expect my number to be MUCH larger than the numbers of those families being shown as receiving referrals on their site because I was only just recently registered. However, I see families just above and below my number being matched. How can this be?

3. Is there a page that actually shows a list of waiting families- not just those being matched?

4. Is there some way, using the MOJ site, to see progress beyond just certain numbers got matched during a certain meeting? It is almost too "zoomed in." How do I compare those numbers with all the rest who are waiting. How do I see who all the rest are?

Recent statistics reflect the following pattern for visa issuance to Bulgarian orphans adopted by American citizens:

2001 - 295
2002 - 257
2002 - 198
2004 - 110
2005 - 29
2006 - 28
2007 - 20
2008 - 5

Approximately 80% of the children adopted have had medical conditions. An adoption Council at the Ministry of Justice reviews the applications and matches children to a proper family. Priority is given to parents wishing to adopt a child with a medical condition.

***Update***

Here is the info from Vesta that I referenced:

Petitions in the Register Active March 10, 2009
(These are "adoption petitions of prospective parents, ... which can be discussed at a meeting of the Council on International Adoptions, following the order of their entering into the Register and the required characteristics of a child.")

Italy 226
France 88
USA 74
Greece 68
Germany 62

It says US dossiers make up 10.31% of the Registry. There are several other countries that also have dossiers registered (Cyprus, Canada(in case anybody here is Canadian, there are 26), Spain, Norway, Sweden, and about 10 others), but US dossiers make up the 3rd largest group at this time. It also says the total number of dossiers active (as of March 10, 2009) is 718.

My baby is two?!

2009-08-25T12:08:00.004-05:00

Happy birthday, Ian! This is our son, whom we dearly love:

Get down, Ian!
No, Ian!
Ian! Get down!
That is a no, Ian!
Ian!
Down, Ian!
Ian Christopher!
No! No! No, Ian!

Phew! He made it to his 2nd birthday!!! And this is a fraction of his "busy-ness!" I do need to tell Philip tonight that Ian smelled really good today in his cologne before his bath. And I still haven't managed to wash all the A&D Ointment out of my couch. And if climbs up and re-programs my thermostat one more time, I think I might just lose it.

In all seriousness, we are so incredibly thankful and blessed to have been given this little boy. He is treasured beyond words and we wouldn't have him any other way :)

Holt Advises Against Dual Adoption

2009-08-18T07:53:00.002-05:00

Hello All,
What a roller coaster few days. After receiving Holt's blessing and Counseling and Family Services' blessing to proceed with a dual adoption by adding a domestic adoption in the meantime, Holt mentioned Bulgaria might oppose our actions. We responded by asking Holt to verify for sure if we have the Bulgarian government's approval or not. We were also asking specifics on the required year between adoptions. Below is what we received in response.

Hi Charisa and Philip,

The year time frame is the time between the physical placement of children in the home. A family who has been placed with a child domestically could accept a referral before a year has passed, if we felt confident that the actual placement wouldn't occur until a year after the placement of the child domestically. I hope that makes sense.

Regarding your question about Bulgaria approving a dual process, that's a little more complicated, due to Bulgaria being a Hague Country. I will need to talk a little further with our management to determine how we can get more clarity on this. I'm not sure anyone can really answer that question right now. We'll need to explore this more with Bulgaria, USCIS, etc. If you don't want to risk the BUL adoption, probably better not to proceed too far with the domestic adoption. Or, if you do, know the domestic adoption could jeopardize the placement of a BUL child.

I'll let you know as I learn more. Thanks, Angie

While I knew we were just in the information gathering stage, it is now clear to me just how much I let my heart believe we were suddenly going to be bringing home a child in the very near future. I knew better and actually thought I was doing a good job of staying "logical." Anyway, I've shed my tears much of last night and asked my "why's" of God. Today, I am back to just being resolved to wait. What else can I do? And if Angie surprises us by coming back with a green light from Bulgaria, then WONDERFUL (I already have the birthmom letter written :). But for now, we are still just waiting for our Bulgarian Girl and trusting God that He is truly the one orchestrating these events.

Please pray, pray, pray for wisdom!

2009-08-14T13:35:00.002-05:00

Hey everybody,
Our adoption agency talked with the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice when they were in the states, and it turns out that the Bulgaria adoption timeline has stretched out to as much as 2 years (very possibly more) from dossier registration. That means that we have a long time to wait before our referral and subsequent adoption. In fact, our agency is no longer accepting new dossiers for Bulgaria because of the timeline issues. Sooo, Charisa and I are talking about re-using our existing home study and adopting domestically in the mean time. We have already been talking about multiple adoptions for a while now, so it fits our plans in an odd and unexpected sort of way. Anyway, the domestic adoption could be completed and still leave the requisite one-year interval before the Bulgarian adoption would occur. It all seems very insane and unbelievable....but then again, we serve a God that is capable of handling insane and unbelievable things. So, please just pray for wisdom and leading.

Philip

Pics of Our Three

2009-08-07T22:24:00.001-05:00

Sierra's 5th Birthday

2009-07-27T12:05:00.011-05:00

Yes, she is nursing "Ribbit." :)

Checking to make sure the ice cream is truly all gone!

The mud was not as tasty as she expected!

Trying to master crawling :)

My beautiful baby girl turns 5 years old today! So unbelievable to this mama's heart. She is gorgeous inside and out. We celebrated her birthday on Saturday with Philip's parents and uncle. She shared her presents with her brothers and even taught them how to put on her new skates and knee and elbow pads- all without being prompted by us. Ian spilled some milk yesterday and some went under the fridge. Mopping that up resulted in discovering many other long-lost toys and Philip was trying to tip the fridge. Of course, it was pretty heavy and we heard Sierra praying out-loud, "Dear Jesus, please give Daddy the strength to tip the refrigerator to get our toys." She loves to burst into songs she has made up filled with truths from Scripture. She wants to be a construction worker and a cowgirl when she grows up. Happy Birthday Sierra! Mommy and Daddy love you from the tips of our toes to the tops of our heads. We love your giggles, songs, snuggles, stories, and ideas. We love every discovery you share with us. We are thrilled to watch you growing to love Jesus, your family, and others around you. We love you, Baby Girl, and we are so thankful God let us be your parents. You are our dream come true! Have a wonderful day today, Angel!

Two Big Pieces of News: Registration and Amendment

2009-06-15T13:35:00.003-05:00

I just received an email letting us know we were registered with Bulgaria's Ministry of Justice back on June 4th!

You can go to google.translate.com and enter this address:
http://www.justice.government.bg/new/Pages/Adoptions/Default.aspx
This will allow you to view Bulgaria's Ministry of Justice's website and keep track of where we are on the waiting list using our registration number. Our number is 16-00-311. The last meeting that is posted was on May 15th; so we aren't on there yet. When they update their site, we'll be listed.

Another piece of Bulgarian Adoption news can be found at
http://www.bnr.bg/RadioBulgaria/Emission_English/News/090612b7.htm
"The amendment gives the authorities the right to put a child up for adoption in case biological parents have withheld contact for six months."

Destroy, Kill, Annihilate

2009-06-09T08:07:00.002-05:00

I am doing a Beth Moore study on Esther. We are now to the part where King Xerxes and Haman issue the decree for all the Jews to be annihilated on a certain day. May I share with you a few words from Beth Moore regarding this? It addressed so many concerns floating around in my head (our adoption, my precious neighbor waiting to get an appointment at Mayo's, my sweet friend anxiously awaiting the birth of her overdue baby, having to wait until July 14th for our daughter's test results) and was so encouraged.

"A little while ago I ended my morning quiet time and set aside a prayer journal filled with a concoction of thanksgivings and pleadings. I thanked God for some miracles I knew He'd performed and begged Him for several more. Just like you, I have a list of people I'm praying for who are battling cancer. Other who desperately need deliverance. Others who have stunningly received it and propel me to practically break out in a praise-dance.

I don't know exactly how God perfects plans that seem so bleak to us in process, but these two things I know: He never takes His eyes off of us or off the clock ticking over us. I am praying right now that the lesson we have before us greatly encourages you to believe both of those things today.

Sweet One, God loves you so. He is hard at work in your life, and the same eye that's on the sparrow is on the wristwatch."

I'm not sure if you can follow the connection to this next thought since I am skipping all the material between, but the closed the lesson with the following statements:

"Sometimes God uses the winds of a new threat to blow the dust off a past miracle that has moved from our active file into the archives (The decree was announced on the first day of their Passover when they would be remember their rescue in Egypt). Dear One, He who delivered you from a Pharaoh can deliver you from any Haman. Remember who you are (we are His Beloved.)"

Holt Closing Door to New Applicants

2009-05-27T11:44:00.002-05:00

I have received a few questions from those who have noticed Holt placed a notice on their website stating they are not taking any new applicants for their Bulgarian program. Following is a portion from a note we just received to explain:

"First, in case you haven't already noticed from the website we are no longer accepting new families into the Bulgaria at this time. I wanted families currently in the program to be aware of this. The reason is not anything new to you. As you all know Holt re-opened the Bulgaria Program and there have been uncertainties from the beginning. Because we're still unclear as to time frames and ages of children, and we've been told it will be 18-24 months from the time the dossier arrives to Bulgaria to the time of referral, we are feeling like it would be good to get a better sense of how realistic these time frames are before bringing any more families into the process. We also would like to get a better sense of the profile of child and just how young children will be referred.....Even though we aren't certain how young children will be available in Bulgaria , we do know the children will be at the youngest 3 years."

Frustrated Mama Venting

2009-05-24T14:42:00.003-05:00

What in the world is God thinking?! I know this may elicit a chuckle from some of you, but seriously! I have had a week of asking God, "What in the world are You thinking to be calling us to adopt?!" It seems every lesson and moment of instruction I have ever given to my children since the day they were born has been tossed out the window. It appears commands such as "Don't hit," and "Respect authority," are foreign concepts. My three seem to be living in a state of anarchy. Why in the world would He be calling us to expand our family when it feels like we can't keep the one's He has already entrusted to us in order?

So, now that I have bared this discouraged mama's heart, I guess it's time to quit asking, "Why?" and buckle down and get the job done. So, if you think of us this week....and probably for the next several, please whisper up a prayer for us as we enlist our children in "Philip and Charisa's Boot Camp."

Dossier Being Translated!!!

2009-05-11T21:56:00.001-05:00

Hello ***** Family,

We sent your dossier to Bulgaria today!! As soon as we receive the MOJ registration number we will let you know. Congratulations on completing your dossier.

Thank you,

Lisa Lowery
Holt Int'l

Apostilled Marriage License Arrives!!!

2009-04-24T11:01:00.004-05:00

Our apostilled marriage license just got hand delivered to us!!!! This is the last form needed in order to send the entire dossier to Holt so they can send it to Vesta (the in-country adoption agency) for translation. After Vesta translates it, it goes straight to Bulgaria's Ministry of Justice. Finally, finally, finally we can start the clock ticking on when we can "expect" (I use that term very loosely) our referral. We "expect" it to take about 12 months. With Philip's mom's birthday celebration today, I can't get to the Post Office. So, I'll take it Monday. That will be a very sureal moment :)

Successful trip to Springfield!

2009-04-17T19:55:00.005-05:00

Watching a Train
Ice Cream Treat!

We got all of our Illinois state dossier forms apostilled today!!! Now we are just waiting on our marriage license to be maile back to us from Texas with its apostille and we can ship the whole thing to Bulgaria for translation!!! Thank you so all who were praying for us today!!!

Notarized Dossier

2009-04-14T10:41:00.003-05:00

Holt emailed their comments/changes to our dossier last week, and, thankfully, it only required about 5 minutes of work on my part! So, we took it all to Pastor Lyall yesterday and got all the appropriate forms notarized. Now I need to get it in the mail to both Secretaries of State in Texas and Illinois to get them apostilled. One day, this picture will have four beautiful faces in it!

Mission: Accomplished!

2009-03-30T18:46:00.002-05:00

As hard as it is for me to believe, I am actually holding a complete dossier! No, I'm not dancing. I don't think reality has set in. Maybe after I get the approval from Holt and get the entire thing Apostilled will it actually feel finished. Regardless, we have jumped through all the hoops, filled out all the forms, passed every screening in order to be at this point. We know that is due to our gracious God and your prayers. THANK YOU. I will put this in the mail to Holt tomorrow.

So Far, So Good

2009-03-28T19:48:00.006-05:00

DOSSIER LIST:

Application to the Minister of Justice

Home Study

Marriage License

Medical Letter: Father

Medical Letter: Mother

Cardiologist Letter: Mother

FBI Background Check (w/ Certificate of Authenticity): Father

FBI Background Check (w/ Certificate of Authenticity): Mother

Child Abuse Clearance: Father (IL, TX, OH) - hope to receive on Monday

Child Abuse Clearance: Mother (IL, TX, OH) - hope to receive on Monday

Home Study Agency or Holt Branch Office License

Photocopy of US CIS Approval of the I-800A

Power of Attorney/Holt

Power of Attorney/VESTA

Holt: Agency License - hope to receive on Monday

VESTA/Holt Agreement - hope to receive on Monday

Passport Photocopies, in color, one for each parent

Profile Photos (12)

Mamma on a Mission!

2009-03-28T09:14:00.003-05:00

We received a certified copy of our marriage license in the mail yesterday. At 7:15 AM today, Wal-Mart dug out my picture order from their closed photo lab with the last pictures I need for the dossier. After Philip is done working with the church worship team this morning, he will run by the doctor's office and pick up our letters of medical clearance. SOOOOOOO, today and tomorrow, I will be a Mamma on a Mission to complete our dossier, get it all copied and sent off to Holt for their approval. If you could please pray for protection over this time, we'd be very grateful. Stay tuned!

Working On Girls' Room

2009-03-14T09:51:00.003-05:00

As many of you know, we have been frantically working on the bedrooms because all the girls' furniture was to be delivered this past Wednesday. Well, we didn't make it. I called Martin's Furniture to ask if we could possibly push the date back to this coming Monday. Thankfully, they were very accomodating. So, here are a couple of shots of the work that has been going on. Come Monday, I should have pictures of this room with furniture!

Trying to Prepare

2009-03-08T21:05:00.002-05:00

I've been surfing the net tonight trying to learn about sensory delays, sensory processing disorder, and sensory integration disorder. I am a complete newbie with this topic, but they all seem like the same issue- just different names. My understanding is that a fair number of orphans struggle with this due to lack of stimulation while in the orphanage. They are left in their cribs not interacting with their environment like they would normally in a healthy family. Anyway, after reading for a while tonight, I just feel sad for these children. We pray everyday that someone in our daughter's orphanage loves on her by hugging or tickling her. Will you please join us in this prayer? Also, please pray that there is someone in her life there that she is bonding with. As painful as it will be to separate her from that person in order to being her home, it is far healthier for her in the long run for her to learn to bond and attach to our family- and the easier it will be to teach her to bond and attach to our God. Thank you for your prayers on behalf of our little girl.

USCIS Approval!!!

2009-03-02T19:20:00.004-06:00

Watching the Kentucky Derby every year growing up was a treasured tradition in our family. With today's arrival of mail, I feel as though I am on my thoroughbred. The bells have rung and the gates have been flung open. And we're off!!!!

We received our I-797C today from Immigration in response to filing our I-800A on January 23rd and subsequent fingerprinting on February 18th. This is about 2 months earlier than expected. So, we will now gladly scramble to put our finishing touches on our waiting dossier documents and get them all mailed in to Holt for their approval. Once they look over everything with a fine tooth comb and make sure it is all correct, we will send it off to get apostilled. And after that....Bulgaria!!!!

We are also in the midst of a HUGE excavating job around our house to install drainage pipe and rock. David Philyaw comes tomorrow to backfill with his machinery and hopefully finishes the job. We are also trying to get our master bedroom furniture moved downstairs to the new room. Then we can race to get all the old master walls stripped, painted and bordered so all the girls' furniture cane be moved in when it is delivered on Wednesday, the 11th. Phew!!!

Results from Asthma Testing

2009-02-27T19:11:00.002-06:00

Hello friends,
I am pathetically sick and will keep this very short. Little Sierra had her back completely covered with little pricks and had 4 different under the skin shots trying to find things she is allergic to that could be triggering her asthma attacks. Nothing. That little girl isn't allergic to a blessed thing. Which in some ways is good news and in some ways is bad news. I was kind of hoping we would find a trigger and put her on allergy meds that would do more blocking and result in fewer attacks. But we were highly suspecting mold. And if it came back positive for mold, we would be completely gutting our downstairs to find any possible growth of mold. Now, we don't have to worry about that, or a whole host of other worries. But that leaves us with the daily breathing treatment and Singulair in the morning. He is adding Nasonex to see if that helps her attacks not be quite so severe. And we are headed into Spring, which is when she really has a difficult time. So, in the next few months, we will start experimenting with a heavy steroid when she needs it. We've used Prednizone (sp) in the past, but she has really horrible side affects with that. So, our hope is if we can find a heavy steroid that works for her without the horrendous side affects, then we can take her to Bulgaria with us and have that medicine on hand, just in case. So, if you could pray that we find a medicine that works powerfully for her without messing with her mind and personality, we would really appreciate it!!!

Prayer for Sierra

2009-02-24T07:40:00.003-06:00

Hello Precious Prayer Warriors,
I'm asking for you to please start bathing Sierra and her asthma doctor in prayer. We REALLY want to take Sierra with us to Bulgaria on our second trip when we bring our daughter home. However, as things stand now, we are thinking we just can't due to her asthma. It just isn't controlled/ managed well enough to risk a trip such as that. So, we are taking her tomorrow (Wednesday) for more testing and to talk things over with her doctor, Steven Smart. Incidentally, he has adopted several times internationally as well. I'm hoping he will be sensitive to our plight and willing to dig a little deeper trying to find answers for us. We feel a little frustrated because we know we are basically asking him to start shooting in the dark for answers. That could be done for an infinite amount of time at an infinite cost :) But we serve the Great Physician. He can direct this doctor's mind and guide him to answers. Please pray with us. Thank you!

As a side note, for those subscribed to Bethany's OHOH prayer list, I mentioned a post that would explain further how God is working in Philip's heart. That post is titled Baring Our Hearts and is dated February 15th.

John 9- God Glorified

2009-02-20T15:22:00.002-06:00

Lately, my mommy heart has been really struggling. We are no longer able to have children from my womb because God has placed our daughter in a Bulgarian orphanage. Some might have noticed that I removed two horrific posts. I did so because they are controversial and, right now, not beneficial for the children. The truth is that most of the Bulgarian orphanages provide better care than what was described. Also, the government and the Bulgarian people have done much to improve the conditions since the release of the documentary I believe entitled The Abandoned Children of Bulgaria. You can find them on YouTube.com. I cannot watch them. So our daughter is most likely in a much better situation than the hell-holes we have read about. But still- institutionalized care is institutionalized care. And our daughter will come home with much baggage. Which leads me to my struggling heart- that I'm not sure how to explain. I am not upset that God has led us to adopt. I am, however, upset that God has allowed such pain in our daughter's life. I'm upset that we aren't merely getting our daughter from Bulgaria but we are having to rescue one of our children. And I can't just board the next plane and make the pain end tomorrow.

We had the MOPS tea this morning. our speaker reminded us of the story in John 9 about the man that had been blind since birth. In verse 3, Christ explained his blindness was not due to his sins or his parents. His blindness had been allowed so that a mighty work could be done in his life so God would be glorified. My prayer is that, as a family, we can help her find this purpose. And, yet again, that I will entrust all my children to God's infinitely better love and care.